4 Things Kim Can Learn From Her Last Two Marriages

So Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are engaged. You read correctly: engaged. After denouncing the sanctity of marriage last week and claiming that Scott "The Lord" Disick is the couple's "hero," Kanye West decided to give his girl Kim the ultimate birthday gift and popped the question in an intimate and romantic setting. Lol, jk. The rapper, who recently began the tour for his album Yeezus, proposed to Kardashian at AT&T Park (he rented out the stadium for the night) in San Francisco on Monday night with a 15-carat Lorraine Schwartz rock. The proposal spectacle included 50 musicians, fireworks, and the attendance of the couple's family, friends, and of course, multiple media outlets.

It's no secret that Kardashian hasn't had such great luck with marriages before, but perhaps that's about to change. We watched her 2011 marriage to Boston Celtics power forward Kris Humphries disentigrate in a divorce that lasted longer than the 72-day marriage itself. And her lesser-known 2000 marriage to music producer Damon Thomas at 19 lasted a whopping three years before they called it off. Now that's she's seen a few things, maybe Kardashian and West will be forever? We'll see. There are definitely mistakes that she should've learned from and if she hasn't yet, she should take the time to now so that her third walk down the aisle can be her last.

Don't Do A Four-Hour Wedding Special

If I remember correctly, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's wedding fit seamlessly into an 85-minute episode of KUWTK, so it definitely can be done. Or just don't do a televised wedding at all, since it really didn't lend an air of authenticity last time. I was really relying on West to not drink the Kardashian Kool-Aide and to maintain a little relationship dignity and privacy but by the looks of his over-the-top proposal, Kris Jenner's media machine definitely got to him. Think of it this way: Kardashian eloped for her first marriage and she had a bash to rival Prince William and Kate Middleton's for her second marriage and they both failed, so maybe a celebration somewhere in the middle will be juuuuuust right.

Communicate

Kardashian and West seem to be on a functional level of communication, even if the fact that he dresses her is kind of weird. They seem happy and have a cute baby, so, really, what more do they need? Following the announcement that Kardashian was divorcing Kris Humphries, the NBA player went to the media and claimed that he had no idea that his wife wanted a divorce. How does that even happen? But besides the point, if that truly was the case, Kardashian had some serious communication problems in the marriage. Talk to Kanye, Kim, instead of just the cameras. Just make sure you start off the tough conversations with "#nodisrespect".

Move Out Of Your Parents' House

Seriously, Kim, MOVE OUT. I know during the first few months of new motherhood, having your mom and sisters around to help was probably a godsend, but now it's time to move. We know your family home won't be ready until next year, but pack up Nori, your new wardrobe, and the fabulous designer baby clothes you racked up in Paris and secure a rental until then. Kardashian's self-induced hibernation period is over, and if this marriage is going to work, mom-ager Jenner needs to be kept at a arm's length starting now.

Actually Plan Your Wedding

For two people with very specific and sophisticated tastes, wedding planning should be fun for Kardashian and Yeezus. So, basically, don't take the same route your mom took with your last marriage and choose your cake and invitations based on who will give them to you for free. Plan your own damn wedding and ask for help as necessary — we know you're capable, Kim. Endorsements won't make your big day magical and special (as you probably already know) but personal touches will. Because, after all, if your relationship is real, it's probably personal. Just saying. Also, West has pretty great taste — he'll totally be into this and will resent you if you deny him the opportunity.

We want you to succeed this time, Kim. It'd also be really sad and degrading to see Yeezus auctioning off that beautiful engagement ring for a measly $749,000...