Someone in Boston, on Tinder, there is a man claiming to have a 22-inch penis, and we're going to talk about it. So, sure, we hear all the time that "there is no normal" and "size doesn't matter" and "you don't need queso three times a week," but we know the truth associated with all of those statements is somewhat questionable. For starters, science tells us the size of the average penis, when erect, measures just slightly over five inches. Also, anyone who's ever wrangled a peen in real life knows that what size makes a dick a "good dick" is completely a matter of personal preference. And although we continue to insist that size ain't nothin' but a number, I don't think I'm alone in feeling adequately intimidated at the prospect of nearly two feet of man meat. (I'm sorry, I don't know of any non-nauseating euphemisms for penis, so buckle up.)
The guy, identified only as "TC" on his Tinder profile, claims to be very well-traveled in addition to the whole incredibly well-endowed quality, because of course he is. However, this latter "truth" proves to be a major hurdle in his dating life: Speaking to The Frisky, Poor TC says he "cannot hide" the size of his junk and many find it "to be a turn-off/deal breaker." That seems...a fair assessment, considering the presumed fact that shoving 22 inches of anything inside of you—especially in your holiest of orifices—would not yield the most orgasmic results for most people. (I SAID "MOST". I DON'T KNOW YOUR LIFE.) That pretty much sounds like a death sentence to me.
It seems obvious TC is a fake. Well, he's probably a real dude, but his pork pole is probably less so. Let's review the visual evidence (face blurred to protect the ridiculous):
He wants to meet for tea!! I haven't been active on Tinder for about two months, so maybe I'm behind on hard rules involving the app, but I was under the impression you could only import photos from Facebook? Are these his profile pictures? What does his grandmother think? One more look, including TC's bio:
But he wears fleece! Also, the tea offer. IDK, guys. Regardless, someone must be falling for these clearly fabricated Tinder profiles because they keep popping up. I thought of some activities these trolls could direct their time and energy to instead of Photoshopping monster dongs on poor North Face models and trolling dating apps:
1. Call their mother
I cannot imagine a mother who would be proud of such flagrant misuse of photo editing skills. Stop your foolery and ask your mom how her day is going.
2. Go on a run/walk
Outdoors! Sunshine! People with dicks that don't drag on the ground!
3. Clean their bathtub
Then take a lavish bubble bath and rethink their entire lives—specifically the point at which they started to consider Tinder trolling a valid way to contribute to Planet Earth.
4. Do...just...literally anything else
Mini-golf? Great! Eating a sandwich? Even better! Normal Tinder? Well, baby steps. Being normal on Tinder might be too much too fast.
Images: kris krug/Flickr; The Frisky (2); Giphy (4)
