Blindfold Digital Foreplay Assistant Tells Your Partner Exactly How To Turn You On

Even if you or your partner don't like being told what to do in bed, a few sensual pointers can go a long way when done right. Enter Blindfold, a digital foreplay assistant that offers 20-minute erotic recordings you receive as part of a paid subscription. For $9 bucks per month, you get to hear sexual directives from "Angelina," a faceless British woman whose voice is like melted chocolate and Xanax, and whose instructions will take you on a tactile journey filled with unknown pleasures.

Now, I don't mean "unknown" in the sense that you've never heard of these sex tips before. From the samples provided on Blindfold's site, they all seem pretty 50 Shades-BDSM-lite to me, including stuff like blindfolds, ice cubes, and massage oils, etc. However, even if you've tried every type of erotic play in the book, there is nothing quite like sexual suggestions delivered in a slow, mellifluous style to make it seem like you're in a hot threesome with an amorous poltergeist. Take a moment to listen to a sneak peak and it will likely convince you that this experience could at the very least be relaxing — as long as you find limey accents attractive, of course.

Angelina begins each recording by telling you what props to have on hand (candles, incense, a towel) and how to prepare yourself. She even suggests the kind of music you can listen to (Engima — LOL — I think I'd put on some Whitesnake, personally). Next, she describes where each person should put their body and what kind of touching the man should start with. Unfortunately, Angelina assumes the two people listening are a man and a woman, but it's more likely a straight man needs some tips in this department anyways, imo. What happens next is reserved for subscribers only, so we'll have to leave that to the imagination. Blindfold is already getting rave reviews, so one question remains: would you try it?

Images: Blindfold