1. You Bleed Like A MOFO
If you flow harder than the Amazon, you know what I'm talking about. A virtual blood bath in your panties is as enticing as the homeless man I saw pooping on the subway platform. An unlike a messy floor, a messy panty is not as easy to clean up. Especially when it leaks at night and gets all over your sheets. Ruminate on this: a tampon holds 6-9 grams of blood while a cup holds 28 grams. That's a whole damn ounce!
2. You're A Horny Toad
Don't know about you, but I like to do it whenever there's a penis next to me. Sometimes I listen to 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny" and think "wow, they know me so well." The problem is periods often get in the way, staining your sheets and limiting you to certain positions. Not so with certain brands of menstrual cups. You can do it to your heart's content. Woo hoo!
3. Your Tampon Is Always Falling Out
We have all been there. You’re mid-pee and all of a sudden you hear a
“PLOP!” and your not-fully-used tampon is in the toilet floating around like
a little life raft. Even if you practice your kegels, your cotton plug is going
to fall out at some point because well, you’re a human female. A menstrual cup will prevent any unnecessary tampon
4. You’re Frugal
If you like your 401(K) more than
shopping at Barney’s, you’re in a luck. Because a menstrual cup is reusable!
Wash that puppy out and you’re good to go for
the next month. Think of all the $$$$ you’ll save. Vaginas are expensive after all. On average, a lady will spend anywhere from $60-$70 a year! A
cup is a mere $30 and needs to be replaced approximately once a year. You do the
math. Or use a calculator.
5. You Suffer From Dry Vagina
Nothing is worse than a little chafe-chafe. It’s like having dry
toast for a vagina. And as we all know even though blood is spewing out of you,
once a tampon is inserted it's possible to get dry vag if you’re not spewing enough. In other words, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Tampons are made out of cotton. Cups
are silicone so you won’t feel like you’re trying to pull a Brillo pad out when
you take your menstrual cup out. Adios, tampons!