Mark you calendars, Centi-people, because on May 22, Human Centipede Part 3 (Final Sequence) will hit theaters and Video On Demand. It is the third and final installment of Tom Six's Human Centipede trilogy, aka the unapologetically disgusting horror movies that depict demented individuals who get a kick out of attaching human mouths to human butts. Entertainment Weekly obtained the synopsis of the latest Human Centipede chapter, and boy howdy, it does not disappoint. After I read the nutzo synopsis, I stared at the ceiling for a while. How did we get so lucky to exist in a world where this film franchise exists?
Here is the synopsis of Human Centipede Part 3 (Final Sequence) plus my annotations:
Bully prison warden Bill Boss (Dieter Laser), leading a big state prison in the US of A, has a lot of problems;
Bully Bill Boss has a nice ring to it.
his prison statistically has the highest amount of prison riots, medical costs and staff turnover in the country.
Oh, man. I hope Bully Bill Boss doesn't do anything rash.
But foremost he is unable to get the respect he thinks he deserves from his inmates and the state Governor (Eric Roberts).
Eric Roberts is in this? Eric Roberts is in this!
He constantly fails in experimenting with different ideas for the ideal punishment to get the inmates in line, which drives him, together with the sizzling heat, completely insane.
Man, I hear that. When my AC-less apartment hits the 90 degree mark, I get mighty cranky.
Under threats of termination by the Governor, his loyal right hand man Dwight (Laurence R Harvey) comes up with a brilliant idea.
Something tells me that “brilliant idea” doesn’t involve setting up a prison garden.
A revolutionary idea which could change the American prison system for good and save billions of dollars.
Something tells me that "revolutionary idea" doesn't involve organizing a therapeutic art course.
An idea based on the notorious Human Centipede movies,
What have we here? Yet another madman inspired by the centi-premise?
that will literally and figuratively get the inmates on their knees, creating the ultimate punishment and deterrent for anyone considering a life of crime.
HNNNNNNNNNNNGH. THE CENTI-PREMISE STRIKES AGAIN.
Having nothing to lose, Bill and Dwight create a jaw-dropping 500-person prison centipede.
This last line left me with several thoughts:
- I assume “jaw-dropping” is a pun. Normally, I’d applaud a pun, but given the context, this particular pun has me retching.
- 500-person centipede? That’s one thousand legs. Not to be “that guy,” but wouldn’t it be a human millipede?
- No one else working at the prison notices the 500-person centipede milling (PUN INTENDED) about? Or if anyone does find out about it, do they accept it and/or turn a blind eye? Do they just carry on like they didn't see literally 500 people attached mouth-to-butt?
- First it was three. Then it was 12. Now it is 500. When it comes to heightening, this franchise doesn't rein it in one bit. Tom Six has really done it this time!
- FIVE. HUNDRED. PEOPLE.
I repeat: How did we get so lucky?
Image: Six Entertainment Company