Sofia Vergara 'Vanity Fair' Cover Smolders Because Duh, Plus Her Best Hard-To-Walk-In Dresses

The May 2015 issue of Vanity Fair is pretty much kindling. It's hot enough to immolate, since the always smoldering Sofia Vergara covers Vanity Fair in a satin maroon frock, her gorgeous face framed by so many golden brown waves that her head could have its own zip code. Yes, there is bling, fur, red lips, and other mega glam elements. But none of this is new turf for the sultry Colombian actress, since she is always sultry and smokin' hawt. Va-va-va-voom indeed.

Even the writer of the cover feature referred to Vergara as "hubba-hubba incarnate" and hey, I'm not going to disagree with that sentiment, since it's true.

Vergara tends to favor super clingy gowns in the fishtail and mermaid shape, which, despite appearing impossible to walk in, hug her curvy figure and show off her "I want some of that!" cleavage. So this look and the styling is fondly familiar, at least from the waist up, since her frock is short.

Vergara is such a sexpot, but on the Vanity Fair cover, she's sitting, posed like a lady, yet she still drips sexiness from every pore. Some people just have "that" quality and Vergara certainly does. Call it the "X Factor" or whatever.

I also love that her lips match her dress, and while her eye makeup is shimmery, it's not super heavy or competing with that lip.

The Modern Family star often goes for form-fitting Old Hollywood bombshell glam when she struts onto the red carpet. But it begs the question: How the hell does she actually, you know, walk?!

1. Crimson Queen

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Vergara wears red. It doesn't wear her. This gown seemed custom-fitted for her hourglass figure. But it's unforgiving when it comes to taking steps.

2. Mermaid

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Vergara and her stylist lurve the mermaid look. IDK how she walks with this silhouette. Maybe she scoots across the red carpet? But she sure fills out that black and blue dress.

3. Painted On

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Once again, she favors this shape, only this sparkly, seafoam number looks painted on. Again, walking has to be a serious challenge. Baby step, baby steps, baby steps.

4. Seriously, What Exercises Does Sofia Vergara Do?

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What exercises does she do in order to walk in such a restrictive shape?! She is a modern bipedal marvel.

5. Cinderella Style

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She switched it up with this belle of the ball Cinderella gown with a massive skirt. At first, you'd think it would be freeing to be able to walk in such a loose, flowing gown. But the skirt is such a full bloom that she was probably bumping into anything in a three-mile radius. I can imagine her publicist or handlers three feet ahead of her, barking, "Watch out! Coming through!" Still, she remains sexified!

As I look at Vergara's Vanity Fair cover and some of her red carpet looks, I think she is as much of a glamazon as everyone's fave multi-hyphenate Jennifer Lopez. J. Lo has a serious style rival and her name is S. Verg!

Images: Vanity Fair (1); Getty (5)