Big Sean Is Safe From Ariana Grande's Dad For Now

This is hopefully going to be the most disappointing news that you read all day, mainly because it's so disappointing that I want this to be as low as your Monday can get. It seems Ariana Grande's father didn't call out Big Sean on Instagram over the weekend, even though that sentence is just about the funniest sentence I've ever had to write. Fans were delighted and entertained when a photo of Big Sean that was captioned, "I give her that d... #Detroit" received a comment from an account bearing Grande's father's name that said "that D. better be Detroit Sean." Can you hear the finger-wagging? Because I can hear the finger wagging.

Sure, the caption is a reference to a lyric from Big Sean's verse in "Mercy," but we all got the wink-wink nudge-nudge sex joke there. If I was a father with access to an Instagram account, I would definitely use it to police my famous daughter's famous boyfriend, thank you very much. However, E! Online confirmed with Grande's representatives that the comment did not come from her father. In fact, even Edward Butera himself used his official Twitter page — lacking in blue check mark, but still confirmed — to clear up that whole Instagram mess.

I'm sorry, but that is literally the most disappointing thing I've ever heard. Gone are the mental images I had of Big Sean scrambling for his phone to give Mr. Butera a call to explain the song lyric to him and to assure him that Big Sean has nothing but the highest respect for his daughter. Gone are the mental images I had of the world's most awkward family dinner, in which Mr. Butera watched Big Sean with fatherly rage in his eyes while Grande tried her best to make not-awkward conversation. So much for Grande's life being reduced to the likes of Every Teen Movie Ever.

Then again, I suppose it's for the best that Big Sean doesn't have to worry about that kind of thing. As hilarious a joke as it was, it's kind of hard to explain that kind of humor to your girlfriend's father — and Big Sean and Ariana Grande are everyone's relationship goals by this point. If they break up because Mr. Butera doesn't get Big Sean's jokes, people will be crushed and the streets will be flooded with tears. So, I guess the silver lining here is that there's no tension between Big Sean and the Grande family... that we know of, anyway. No matter how hilarious it would have been.