Meet Kim Kardashian's Nemesis and Tell-All Author, Myla Sinanaj

Last week, while a majority of were busy poring over the details regarding Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's engagement, something remarkable happened: Kris Humphries's ex-girlfriend Myla Sinanaj shared a butt selfie (a buttfie? A selfbutt? Asselfie?) with the world. Oh, you want to challenge Kimberly "Selfie Goddess" Kardashian? Consider me captivated. This is my type of feud. Who is this Myla character? What is her damage? Why is she gunning for her ex's ex? What's her life story? Why am I only hearing about her now? What is my life? And why is Sinanaj reportedly writing a Kim Kardashian tell-all? Be patient and read below — I investigated (read: combed through various gossip sites) this fascinating individual and found the following results:

  • Myla Sinanaj is a singer/actress/model/fashion designer who dated Kris Humphries after he and Kardashian axed their relationship. Humphries and Sinanaj are no longer an item.
  • What's that? You want to watch her music video? I've got your back:
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  • The Legend of Sinanaj and Kardashian predates Kris H.: Sinanaj used to be an overnight manager at the W Hotel. She says she witnessed Kardashian cheat on then-boyfriend Reggie Bush with West at said hotel. Allegedly, she made a room key for West. Pics or it didn't happen, MYLA.
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  • She recently underwent a bunch of cosmetic surgery… and according to TMZ, she did it TO LOOK LIKE KARDASHIAN! I'm on an emotional roller coaster at the moment. Tell the ride operator to send me on another lap, because I'm not ready to disembark.
  • Myra shared her Kardashian-inspired selfie after her Kardashian-inspired plastic surgeries. I… can't. Even my warped brain is like, "too much. All of it is too much."
  • She is BFFs with Farrah Abraham. Like Farrah, Myla released a sex tape. Aw, besties!
  • ...I spoke too soon. Abraham called "girl code" and threw a stink fit over Sinanaj's sex tape. Quick guide to being friends with Farrah Abraham: If Abraham wears boot cut jeans, you better throw yours out before she sees them. If Abraham orders soy milk in her latte, you better get 2%. It doesn't matter if you're lactose intolerant. If Abraham makes a sex tape, you better stop production on yours immediately. She called "dibs," dammit!
  • Radar reports Sinanaj will be WRITING A TELL-ALL ABOUT KRIS, KIM K., AND KANYE. Whoa whoa whoa. Stop the clock. Hold the phone. Hit the pause button and don't click "play" until I've pulled myself together. Okay, I've pulled myself together. 1) If there is any merit to what Sinanaj claims, Kris Jenner will derail the book before it ever hits shelves, and 2) Sinanaj has serious MOXIE. Going after one of the most famous couples in the world, sans gloves? Damn, Myla. Damn.

If Sinanaj's book does happen, I will be the first to pre-order that mess. I will buy a digital version and a hard copy. Wait. Does she need a ghostwriter? Myla, pleeeeease let me be your ghostwriter.

Photo: WikiCommons