When you're young and starting to be in more serious relationships, there are a lot of little things that can make or break you. As you get older, you start to realize everything isn't so dramatic, and more importantly, once you're committed to someone, you don't just run away at the first sign of trouble. There are still a few things that are total deal breakers, like finding out your S.O. is a violent racist, or has cheated on you, but the little stuff stops sweating you as much as it once did. That said, when you're young and inexperienced in love, the most insignificant things can wind up being the death knell of your relationship.
For the record, once you find "The One" you'll make compromises where you wouldn't have before, and that's totally okay. You don't always have to be sassy and all "watch my ass as I walk away" all the time. In the casual relationships of your 20s, its easy to walk away when one thing you don't like happens. But once you've chosen someone to build a life with, you don't get to just walk away because things aren't going your way. You stay and you work. I definitely remember ditching guys after only one date because they chewed too loudly or name-dropped, or breaking up with people because I didn't have any empathy for their moods. These kinds of deal breakers generally come before love, but they'll be very familiar to most people. And then there are deal breakers that will effect you no matter where you are in your relationship. Here are six make-or-break moments in a relationship:
1. Your first fight
Fighting with your S.O. sucks, but once you've been with someone for long enough, your fights wont be deal breakers. Instead, they'll become a natural part of your relationship that you'll hopefully learn to navigate better the longer you're together. But the first fight can send you packing, especially if you're not emotionally invested in the relationship to begin with. Fights can also expose true nature, so if you find your S.O. is cruel or violent in a fight, you most definitely should run away as fast as you can, and not give yourself the opportunity to even have a second fight with them.
2. The first time one of you is going through a period of stress
When you're in a mutually loving and supportive relationship, you'll understand that sometimes one of you isn't having the best week, and sometimes external factors will cause moods you shouldn't take personally. However, when you're starting out, your investment in the relationship might not warrant you putting up with someone being moody because of a work related problem, for instance. If you do make it through, eventually you'll realize that sometimes you have moods too, and when you do, you want the other person to be understanding and there for you, rather than worrying about how it affects them.
3. When one of you has to make a sacrifice for the other
When you have to give up something for your S.O., it can put a lot of stress on the relationship, no matter where you are. If you're established in your love, however, you'll know better than to use your sacrifice against the other, and you'll be aware that your choices are YOUR choices, that YOU made. However, early on in a relationship, having to sacrifice, from something as little at missing a social occasion to be with your S.O. or moving somewhere different for their job, can cause a lot of resentment.
4. When you uncover a huge ideological difference between you
Finding out your political ideas are different might not break you; Being able to have challenging conversations can actually be very rewarding in a relationship. However, if one of you is a super racist, or sexist, or otherwise horrible bigot, that's going to be a huge left swipe in the relationship department.
5. If one of you cheats
Some couples make it through cheating. Most don't. If one of you cheats, that's going to be a big decision about going forward or ending things, no matter where you are in the timeline of love.
6. When you don't get along with one another's friends/family
If all your friends and all your family hates your significant other or your S.O. is a jerk about being nice to other people you like, then you've got a serious problem. Sometimes however, there can be dislike on either side, but mutually made attempts to get along. Being able to discern wether your S.O.'s relationship to your friends and family is a deal breaker is important. Obviously not everyone in the world is going to like everyone they meet and that's fine. But based on the veracity of that dislike, you might want to be reevaluating why you're even with your S.O. in the first place.
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