Why You Need To Have Sex With A Hairy Person, Because If It Wasn't Already Obvious, Science Has Some Good Reasons
When earlier this week Miley Cyrus ― gasp ― dared to show her underarm hair in a selfie, the world was practically flipped on its side. How dare she, a woman, reveal such an unsightly thing? Does she not realize that true femininity is found at the end of a razor or a woman wielding a wooden tool covered in hot wax as she tells you calmly, “This won’t hurt a bit?” Is Miley so backward in her upbringing that she is blatantly unaware of how vulgar this all is? Well, to all of you chastising Miley and her armpit hair, you need to take a breather and realize that not only is body hair natural, but being hairy is good for you… or so says science.
According to a study by University of Bradford, not only is being hairy good for you, no matter your gender, but it also tells a lot about the inner workings of your body, like your circulation and possibly even your intelligence. In fact, the benefits that come with having hair far outweigh the benefits of not having hair so much that I’m pretty sure I will never shave or wax or pluck again in my life.
Since hair is so good for the mind and body here are six reasons, just in case you needed them, as to why you should have sex with someone hairy. Too bad Charlotte York didn’t read this before she made Harry wax his back… the shame.
1. They Have Strong, Durable Skin
We have hair for a reason and that reason is protect us from the environment. According to the study hair follicles are rich in stem cells, which are the cells that are constantly able to heal and renew. Someone with lots of hair would have lots of follicles that would keep their skin nice and healthy, bouncing back from bruises and cuts faster than someone lacking hair. You don’t want to date the person who takes weeks to lose the hickey you gave them.
2. They’ll Keep You Warm
Because body hair was our only outfit back in the prehistoric day, it’s meant to not just protect us from the sun, but keep us warm when the elements are acting like they did this past winter. No one wants to be cold when they’re having sex, so getting it on with someone furry will make sure that will never happen. You’ll always be toasty from foreplay to climax.
3. They Won’t Die On You
There’s no greater fear than going to bed with someone and having them just die on you… or maybe that’s just my greatest fear? Either way, hairiness, especially chest hair, means healthy levels of testosterone, which means any fears of someone dropping dead mid-romp can be put to bed. Phew!
4. They’re Intelligent
While huge intelligence isn’t always necessary in a one-night stand, you at least want them to be smart enough to pick up on the fact that you would like them to leave when the fun is all over, and that’s where chest hair comes into play. Research has found that hairy chests have been linked to smart men, with one study in the 1990s finding that there is a greater population of very hairy men amongst doctors than in the general population. Well then; if that’s the case, then your one-night stand could be marriage material.
5. They’ll Be Able To Have More Sex
The reason men and women have hair in and around their sex organs is because it provides a buffer for all that banging. When we choose to remove the hair, we’re making that part of our body very vulnerable and maybe not even able to withstand the type of multiple-times-a-day sex we would otherwise. Isn’t that reason enough right there to go to bed with a hairy person?
6. You Really, Really Want Them
Underarm hair exists to “disperse” odors that just naturally attract us to someone, but when it’s not there to do all that dispersing, then you’re not really picking up the correct pheromones. If you have sex with someone who still has their underarm hair in tact then you know, for sure, that you’re really sexually attracted to them, even if you’re not conscious of it, because you picked up on those pheromones and you liked what you smelled.
So if you've been in the anti-body hair camp, consider coming over to the other side. According to science, it's better here.
This post was originally published on April 21, 2015. It was updated on August 27, 2019.