This Is Who's Having The Loudest Sex In New York

Think no one hears you having sex? Think again. Think they don’t tell anyone, like a service that keeps track of your loud sex habits? Yep, indeed they do. At least in New York. A Daily Dot article reported that, in the Big Apple, instead of 911, people can call 311, a non-emergency line for municipal services, and complain about their neighbors having sex. DNA Info then gathers the complaints and categorizes them by neighborhood and, through this interactive map, you can see who’s having the loudest sex in New York—and where (yes, their street address is given). The complaints are rated from "G" up to "XXX."

For instance, a residence in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn and another, in the Bronx, received the most complaints, six. They were rated "XXX." (Can you imagine that as your job—“This one’s a ‘G,’ 'That one’s a ‘PG-13.’”) For instance, parts of Queens had zero complaints, garnering a “G” rating. Yet Forest Hills in Queens received a few complaints, a "PG-13" rating. According to the map, areas with "R" ratings showed five or six complaints. Another example is the 10467 zip code area of New York, the Norwood neighborhood in the Bronx. It received a "G" rating, zero complaints, yet most of its neighbors received "PG-13" and "R" ones (!). Interesting. What is happening in Norwood?! In the areas that received a "G" rating, it makes you wonder if they have mastered the skill of quieter sex, have less-to-no sex, or just have more understanding neighbors.

Earlier this year, from January 1 to February 12, 2015, the 311 line received 133 complaints in about five weeks’ time. Brooklyn residents came out on top, with 42 complaints. Queens, came in at second with 37. The Bronx and Manhattan were third and fourth, with 31 and 23 noise complaints, respectively. I wonder how other cities and states fare. After all, we’ve probably all heard (or had) loud sex at some point. I remember when my nice, conservative, Midwest mother visited me in L.A. for the first time and the couple in the apartment above mine were going at it—moaning and screaming so loud, it prompted my mother to say, “Is your neighbor okay? Should we call the police?” I was used to their “interactions” and had remedied the situation (and began getting more sleep) by getting a great pair of ear plugs.

For others, loud sex lands them in jail (!!), like this woman in England after 30 visits from police for “noise disturbance” in her neighborhood. She was given a British version of a restraining order, called an Anti-Social Behavior Order (ASBO), and later served jail time when she refused to cooperate.

Then, there was this video of parents explaining loud sex to their kids. And, this story of neighbors having such loud BMSD parties that it forced this woman to move. Wherever you may live, proceed with caution in case a 311 service comes to your neighborhood, too. (And keep ear plugs handy in case you have neighbors like the ones featured in the 311 map.)

Images: Getty Images (1); Giphy (2-3)