This 'Fifty Shades Darker' Photo Tells Us About The Sequel — PHOTO

We're barely two months out from that time in February when everyone bum-rushed the theaters to go see Fifty Shades of Grey, and we're already talking about doing this whole thing again. I guess it makes sense when you consider the original raked in $400 million in two weeks, which is more than the amount made by seven Best Picture nominees combined, just to really drive that point home. But apparently I only have about a year and eight months to plan for my next movie excursion, because Fifty Shades Darker already has a release date set for Feb. 10, 2017, and a writer attached — original author E.L. James' husband, Niall Leonard. But even though we don't yet know who will be in the directing chair, we do have one other crucial piece of information when it comes to figuring out what to expect from this film: the first still.

The fact that the sequel Fifty Shades Darker is already on the calendar is a bit jarring. It just took so long for the first movie to make it from the book version to the movie version that I figured I had more time to come up with an excuse for why I didn't want to watch soft-core porn in a dark, silent room of strangers.

You might think there's not a lot you can tell from a single, unmoving photo, but you'd be wrong, because this actually provides a whole bunch of clues as to the movie's content. Just come along with me as I decode them. Here's the still:

And here's what I learned from it:

There's Still Little Chemistry With Anastasia

Otherwise wouldn't she be in the picture?

He Finally Choses A Shade Of Grey

And it appears to be black.

He's Not A Vampire Anymore

Because that, my friends, is a reflection in a mirror. (He was a vampire in the first one, right? And he fell in love with that really sulky mortal girl?)

Christian Forgets How To Button Buttons

Refuse to believe there's any other explanation for there not being buttons on his shirt. Maybe it points to a brain injury???

He Loses His Phone

Can't think of another reason he'd be wearing a watch.

Images: giphy (5)