What Gay Men Do When Straight People Aren't Around

Contrary to the recess rhyme, secrets secrets are TONS of fun. Especially when shared only within a small crew of people. Romantic couples have all sorts of secret habits and secret languages. Other traits like personality type, political affiliation, sexual orientation, and a billion others kinds of identities, tie groups of people secret commonalities and rituals, too. Folks may attempt to explain the subtle cadence or rhythm of these unique practices to people outside of the immediate circle, but there's almost no point—which is part of what makes this parody video catching the reality of what gay guys do when straight people aren't around around so freaking funny. That, and the fact that people outside any group or identity will always come up with their weird, warped ideas of what happens within that community. These stereotypes are often wrong, and often degrading, and very often just hilariously misguided.

The video is captioned by this satirical aside: "This rare, never before seen video documents the secret interactions of gay men that only take place when there are no straight people present." It comes from actor/director Brian Jordan Alvarez's YouTube channel—one that's proved quite gifted in mocking some of our more ridiculous social practices (namely, the futility of making plans). It captures two homosexual dudes bumping into each other in an apartment building's stairwell. In an unspoken jumpstart, the duo immediately launch into a series of pretty insane, well-practiced poses. And as predicted, it starts fairly ribbing and simple, quickly progressing to next-level Blue Steel vibes. At first it's all:

You think it's gonna go somewhere saucy and shadowy. But then, it's more fall catalog-ish:

Does anyone recall Glamour Shots? This is grade A inspiration for that:

From there, the theatrics go full on. See what I mean in the video below (and maybe start practicing your favorite looks displayed, because it's Monday and you're worth it):

Oh man, the parting war cry is almost too good to be true. BRUNCH, y'all. Seriously.

Images: YouTube(4)