Have you always wanted to have a beautiful Instagram account where you lead your lover around the world by the hand, but you can't because you don't have a lover, and you don't travel, and you mostly eat Doritos in bed while watching Netflix? Are you afraid that our age of selfies and social media is breeding a population of self-obsessed loners who are only able to communicate through 140 characters and emoticons? Fear not, my friend! There is a solution. No, it’s not, “Put down the phone and go out into the world to meet actual people.” Don't be insane. I would never tell you to do that. This #ForeverAlone fix is more along the lines of, “Use technology to simulate human companionship, so that you really never have to interact with anyone, ever.” Meet the Selfie Arm. Designed by artists Aric Snee and Justin Crowe, the Selfie Arm is a realistic-looking fake appendage that holds a cell phone at its “shoulder,” allowing lonely selfie-takers to pretend that they have companions in their photos.
According to Design Boom, the Selfie Arm is “the sarcastic solution to a quintessential problem — nobody wants to look alone while they mindlessly snap pictures of themselves — the product conveniently provides you a welcoming arm.” We can look at the project as “a direct commentary on the growing selfie stick phenomenon, and the constant, gnawing need for narcissistic internet validation.” This isn’t the first time that people have created something ridiculous in the name of the selfie, and I'm positive it's not the last. (I'm pretty sure our selfie obsession is infinite. I hope. Maybe.)
In my mind, the Selfie Arm is only a first step. Once the product takes off, we can all start buying accessories to make our arms seem more unique and lifelike. Obviously we’ll need an abundant collection of sleeves (because how am I supposed to convince people that I have an actual human friend who takes photos with me if he’s wearing the same thing everyday?), as well as jewelry. (Seriously, pop a wedding ring on that finger, and your fake friend gets upgraded to your fake husband. Sweet!) And although the prototype seems to be going for something like “Zombie Gray” for its skin color, I would like to see a realistic array of skin tones from which to choose. And why not have Animal Selfie Arms? Then I could convince people that standing just outside the frames of my selfies are my dog, or my horse, or my pet giraffe. I’m telling you, this is a potential goldmine.