'How I Met Your Mother' Spinoff 'How I Met Your Father' Might Happen, But Don't Stop There!

CBS's comedy tent-pole, the soon-to-be-over How I Met Your Mother, might be getting a spinoff. They're going to call it How I Met Your Father! And if it happens — though, according to producers, without any of the same characters — it will prove yet again that imagination is dead. Better lace up my dancing shoes, because it's time for the oldest dance in the book: the "there's no such thing as originality in Hollywood" tango. ¡Olé!

Sequels and reboots, rebrandings and updates are all the rage these days, because in an increasingly struggling TV world — grasping at the straws bestowed upon them by the demographic demigods — the only place safe enough to mine ideas from is the old. Because new is scary, new has the potential to offend, and new doesn't provide the time-tested, guaranteed ratings-getter safety net that fuels its business model du jour.

But why stop there? Why stop with just meeting a father? There are SO many potential stories here, if we follow this model. I've taken the liberty of coming up with a few ideas myself. And I swear, CBS, you need only give me a producer credit.

  • How I Met Your Babysitter
  • How I Met Your Step Mom
  • How I Met Your Other Step Mom
  • How I Met Your Green Grocer
  • How I Met Your Uncle Eduardo Who Sleeps Over in Daddy's Bed Now That Mom's Moved Out
  • How I Met Your Sex Trafficker
  • How I Met Your Orthodontist
  • How I Met Your Future Robot Overlords
  • How I Met Your Drug Dealer
  • How I Met Your Prison Wife
  • How I Met Your Parole Officer
  • How I Met Your Dog-Walker
  • How I Met Your Gynecologist
  • How I Met Your Pet Parakeet, Wilhelmenia
  • How I Met Your Gym Buddy
  • How I Met Your Nanny
  • How I Met Your Manny
  • How I Met Your Holistic Energy Practitioner
  • How I Met Your Deadbeat Dad
  • How I Met Your Mother's Boyfriend Lorenzo the Pool Boy
  • How I Met Your Barista
  • How I Met Your Polyamorous Couple
  • How I Met Your Demise
  • How I Met Myself (set to premiere on Lifetime, Spring 2016)

Any takers?