7 Tips Every Girl Who Has A Big Brother Wants To Give The New Royal Baby
Welcome to the world, princess! Kate Middleton gave birth to a baby girl this morning, which means little sisters everywhere have just one more awesome human to join their ranks. You don't have a name yet, Royal Princess, but that doesn't mean you don't have any less of a position in the coveted Little Sister Club. You see, your duties far extend that of your commitment to your country: You will also have a rather large commitment to the job of "being a little sister". And trust me, as the little sister of a brother with the exact same age gap who was basically treated like a prince, nobody is more qualified to be doling out the royal little sister advice than I am.
In the next few years, there will be nerves you'll have to rattle, awkward pictures of your brother you'll have to collect for future Facebook blackmail, and castle sleuthing you'll have to master to be up in your brother's business at all times. (That adorable punk might try to sneak cake from the royal kitchens without you, and even amateur "little sisters" can't let that kind of stuff go down on their watch.) In the years after that, you'll have to learn to be the ultimate big brother confidant, to be there for advice on every derpy romantic fail, to keep his secrets at your discretion and to basically revel in the fact that you've got a BFF for life.
But, you know, take it easy for now. You're like two seconds old. The best you can do on the little sister totem is cry a lot and occasionally be so gosh darn cute that your big brother George can't resist you. And you'll catch up to the learning curve pretty quick, kid—I've got faith in you. It's hard to mess up being a little sister, after all. Just in case, here are a few tidbits from me to you:
1. Your brother is probably going to hate your adorable guts for a hot second, and that's perfectly OK
Go easy on him. For a few years now, he's been the star of the show, and nobody gave him proper warning that he was about to share billing, because he's not exactly speaking the language yet. Every now and then he's going to yoink a pacifier out of your mouth or throw princely shade at your bassinet. He might even burst into tears upon first seeing you the way that my overly-dramatic brother did when my parents brought me home. But just give it time, girl, because he'll warm up to you eventually.
2. Never, ever, ever let him win to spare his feelings
And demand the same from him. I don't know what kind of things you're going to do in your human life, Royal Princess, because I went to your country exactly one time. Cricket? Or that game where people play lacrosse with horses? Even if it's just drinking tea and being baller at it, don't ever take a backseat so George can outshine you. As much as you and George will love each other, it's also your obligation to challenge each other in ways that nobody outside of the family will, especially since they might be inclined to "go easy" on a royal. Don't let anybody treat you like that, but most of all your big brother. Show him what you've got from day one. YOUR LACROSSE HORSE IS JUST AS BIG AS HIS.
3. Collect useful pieces of dorky blackmail as soon as you're able
It's pretty easy to recognize a compromising situation when it arises. For example:
I don't mean to brag, but I've been holding on to this gem since like 1997. Don't worry, girl. You'll get there. (Your mom will help.) This is how you'll twist your big brother's arm for free piggy back rides and a turn at the Royal Computer, if he hasn't already respected that your need to address your subjects on Twitter is more important than his homework.
4. George is going to crush you at some things, and you will crush him in others—you can both use this to your advantage
For instance, my brother was killer at test-taking, insanely smart, and a total social derp. I, on the other hand, was really good at doing my homework and being a social butterfly, but not the best with tests. #TEAMWORK, because together we dragged each other through adolescence and eventually even college, because that's what happens in a big brother/little sister dynamic. You learn over time not to exploit each other's weaknesses, but to take advantage and respect the things that you excel in so you can both be more well-rounded humans in the long run.
5. Tattle sometimes, but only when you have to
There is a fine, fine line between tattling for the two second satisfaction of it, and tattling because a grownup actually needs to know. You'll fumble with this for a few years, and I won't begrudge you that satisfaction, cuz yeah, the little dude's gonna be king someday. Somebody's gotta keep him in check. But you'll learn eventually that some of his secrets are worth keeping, and he'll keep yours in turn. Little sisters and big brothers have to stick together—especially the royal ones.
6. Trust each other completely
This applies to friends, future partners, and pretty much anyone you might bring home to the castle. Older brothers will never dislike someone out of spite; they will dislike someone out of protectiveness. And it might be hard to hear at the time, but if your big brother has a bad hunch about someone, they're usually (annoyingly) right.
And on the flip side, George will learn to trust your gut about the people he takes home, too. (Because let's be real, girl: I've got a feeling that you're going to be a takes-no-crap kinda princess, and I love you for that already.)
7. Become each other's "person"
Ordinary humans will spend a lot of time in their lives looking for their "person," the one that they can depend on through thick and thin, whether there's a hole in your tire or a body in the trunk. LIFE HACK: You've already got this covered. A good big brother will always be your "person," so you'll never have to worry about spending your life in pursuit of one. George has got your back and you'll always have his. You're too young to high five yourself, but maybe shake your little fist in victory. Awesome times are ahead.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy (4); Emma Lord