New Princess' Horoscope Reveals She's A Feminist

On Saturday, the world was gifted another female and we're all very, very pleased. "It's a girl" signs took over Twitter, the London Bridge was illuminated with pink lights, and people across the Internet high-fived about the new princess. In case you missed it, Kate Middleton had a baby girl, the first princess in 25 years, and spoiler alert, we already know so much about the newest addition to the royal family. SO much. Her fate is written in the stars, after all, so even though, yeah, we haven't seen the baby, and sure, it'll be years before we hear her thoughts on gender-equality, HEY. She's a Taurus. And all Tauruses are exactly the same, because magic exists. Point being, the royal baby's horoscope holds good news for the future.

Tauruses are described as reliable, practical, ambitious and sensual. Oooh. They're also said to be stubborn, self-indulgent, lazy, and materialistic. Why Tauruses gotta be like that? They sound so complicated. But let's break this down. Based on the star alignment on May 2, we can be 1,000 percent sure that Prince George's little sister will make one helluva princess. With Middleton, Prince William, brother G, that badass old kook of a Queen, and her hot, trouble-making Uncle Harry, this girl's got quite the support system and is poised to make a difference.

Don't believe me? To the 'scopes we go.

She'll Be A Great Communicator

Let's start with this good news. According to the lauded scientific journal FamousBirthdays.com, people born on May 2 are "characterized by charm and tact." I don't want to put to fine a point on things, but THOSE ARE GREAT CHARACTERISTICS FOR A PRINCESS. She's going to an excellent communicator, and she has the "innate ability to always say the right thing at the right time." The baby, the country, the world = #soblessed right now.

She'll Be A Boss Lady

But wait. It gets better. The pinnacle of academia, Entertainment.HowStuffWorks.com, reports that those with a May 2 birthday are intellectual and artistic, and they're "brave about the choices they make in life." Don't know about you, but this princess sounds like a boss lady to me. A natural born leader, if you will.

She'll Be An Ally

There's even more good news. When May 2, 2015 is typed into TheSecretLanguage.com, a website based on a book that claims to "be over 90 percent accurate after 21 years in use by millions of people in a dozen languages worldwide," we learn that the new princess can be summed up in three words. Y'all ready for this? DISCIPLINED. HUMAN. OBSERVATION. If only all our world's leaders could share those same traits. Anyone who observes humanity can't help but be pro gender equality, marriage equality, and equality equality. Basically, her middle name should be equality.

She'll Have A Poopy First Year

So how will the fourth in line's first year go? Astrology.com, our guiding light in a sea of uncertainty, says 2015 for the Taurus is "all about releasing the rubbish from your life so that you can embrace some glorious new horizons." Oh, hell yes. This princess is literally going to shit her pants all year, releasing that rubbish, and by 2016, she'll be ready for the new horizons of potty training and walking. It's going to be amazing.

She'll Be An Incredible Wrestler, Weighing 260 Pounds

If she takes after fellow May 2 birthday boy Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, that is.

Images: Remko Van Dokkum, zeevveez, Dmitry Boyarin, Flickr; Getty Images