What's worse than wanting to have sex and not being able to because it feels like your vagina is on fire or your uterus is being punctured or your lower back is going to give out? After a lot of thinking and thorough research, I've come to this conclusion: almost nothing. But, what can you do when sex hurts?
A recent study shows that up to 30 percent of women experience pain during sex. I think that's way too much. While the reasons as to why vary greatly, it doesn't hurt to get checked out by a doctor to make sure it's not something more serious than just a simple change in position. But it's also likely to be something treatable with a few minor changes to the way you have sex.
For many women, a lack of foreplay results in dryness and therefore painful sex or others might just need a little more support (i.e. lots and lots of pillows). And don't we all need more pillows? I think we all need more pillows.
Make sure to communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn't. If fast, hard sex is painful for you, ask your partner to slow it down. If doing it from behind is just plain uncomfortable, experiment with other positions until you find something that works. Communication and sex are (or should be) best friends. Not to mention, the combination of the two almost always results in an orgasm.
1. First things first, make sure you’re well lubricated
Dryness is the most common cause of painful sex and it can be treated easily. Foreplay is so, so important, especially for women. It preps the body for sex, physically and emotionally, and it’s more fun than rollerblading down the Santa Monica Pier in July. Ask your partner for at least twenty minutes of touching, kissing, or oral sex, and by the time penetration happens, it’s likely to be much more enjoyable. If you're still have issuing with dryness, it doesn’t hurt to buy some good ol’ lube. Try a water based solution or coconut-oil for a more natural feel.
2. Try woman on top, facing forward
Some women groan at the idea of cowgirl and let’s be real, it can be exhausting. But it also might give you a little more control over your body. You can shift the angle of your hips and torso to relieve any pain you might have and slow down or speed up if you need to. The world is yours!
3. Try Missionary
Don’t rule it out just yet! It might not make any hot new sex tips lists these days, but the missionary position is a safe bet when it comes to comfy-sex. If back-pain is the culprit (which it often is), try laying on your back with some kind of cushion under the curve of your spine while your partner does the work. Sounds like heaven to me.
4. Try Spoon Sex
I'm not sure if that's a real term, but that’s what I’m calling it from here on out. Similar to missionary, having sex in a spooning position is great for any kind of back pain and it can relieve both partners of any unnecessary extra work that may cause tension or soreness. Once you have spoon-sex, you might never go back, because it’s literally the sexual equivalent to eating ice cream while getting a pedicure.
5. If nothing works, see a doctor
Don’t freak yourself out too much, but if sex is a consistently painful and unenjoyable experience, even after lube and a position switch-up, you may want to check in with an OBGYN. Sometimes it’s muscle contractions, post-baby body, or even a latex allergy and the sooner you diagnose it, the sooner you’re on your way to the big O.
Images: Tumblr (5), Flickr flickr.com/Vanessa Bazzano