We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex psychotherapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto this week’s topic: The best sex positions for beginners.
Q: My boyfriend and I recently lost our virginities to each other. We’re still figuring out how it all works, but it’s gradually getting less awkward and more fun! We’ve only been doing missionary, but I’d like to try some new positions. I have some ideas of what we can try, but I’m not sure exactly how to get into certain positions and how to move in a way that will be fun for me. Any tips for a beginner that will be fun for both of us?
A: Absolutely! Starting to explore the wonderful world of sex positions is a lot of fun, especially when you’ve got a good partner by your side. Here are my recommendations for the five best sex positions for beginners.
The 5 Best Sex Positions For Beginners
1. Missionary, With Your Legs Pulled In
How to do it: When you’re in Missionary, lift your feet off the bed and pull your knees into your chest. You can do this while he’s inside of you or before he penetrates you. As he pushes in and out of you, let your hips rock back and forth. For him, the movement is pretty similar to what he’s doing during Missionary.
Variations to try: This position is a great example of the power of small changes. Even moving your legs closer to or further from your chest by a few inches will create a different angle of penetration. You can also pull your legs further apart or squeeze them closer together. Or keep one foot flat on the bed and the other leg lifted into the air. If you’re limber, you can also try resting both of your ankles on his shoulders.
2. Missionary, With A Pillow Under Your Hips
How to do it: Before you start having sex, place a pillow under your hips, then have him enter you like he normally does during Missionary. This is a super easy variation that can create mind-blowing results for some women. It helps his body push against your clitoris, which may help you reach orgasm. You can have him focus more on grinding against you instead of thrusting in and out.
Variations to try: You can invest in sex furniture like the Liberator, which is specially designed for this position. Its sloped surface helps you experiment with raising your body further up off the bed.
3. Dangling Over The Edge Of The Bed
How to do it: Get over to the edge of the bed and let your legs hang off. He places his body between your legs and enters you. You’re pretty much along for the ride with this one, and he gets to thrust away to his heart’s content! This is an easy position for guys because it doesn’t require him to hold up his body weight with his arms.
Variations to try: If your bed isn’t the correct height for your bodies to line up, you can try putting a pillow under your hips. Or you can have him kneel on the floor between your legs. Your man can hold each of your thighs in his arms for more leverage and intensity. You can also move your legs closer or further apart from each other. Or you can rest your ankles on his shoulders for extremely deep and powerful penetration.
4. Girl On Top
How to do it: Have him lie on his back. Crawl on top of him, resting one leg on either side of his body. Take his penis in your hand and slowly lower yourself down onto it. Girl on top can be an intense position to begin with if you’re not very wet, so you may want to start with another position first, or use some additional lubricant.
Variations to try: Try playing around with a number of different ways of moving your hips. You can grind in a slow circle. You can push your hips towards and away from his chest. You can move your hips up and down on his penis. You can also try changing the angle of your body by leaning forward or back while touching your clitoris. If you’re not sure how to move, ask him to hold on to your hips and show you what he likes.
5. In A Chair
How to do it: Have him sit in a chair. You want to find one that’s short and sturdy, and doesn’t have wheels. It’s also preferable to use something that doesn’t have armrests, since those can get in the way. Slowly lower yourself onto him like you did with girl on top (again, you may want to start with a different position first or use lube). Both of your feet will be on the ground, which will give you lots of leverage. You can also hold on to the back of the chair or to his shoulders for additional support. You can easily move up and down, or you can grind your hips in a seductive circle or figure-eight pattern.
Variations to try: You do this position on a sofa or on the bed against a headboard; he’s still sitting up, but you’re on your knees. Or you can try kneeling on the chair, if there’s enough space. You can try turning around and lowering yourself onto him backwards, which will create an entirely new angle of penetration.
Other Tips For Moving Beyond Missionary
1. Do Some Research Together
When you’re new to sex, it can be awkward in the moment to not only try to think of what you want to do next, but also to figure out how to get into that position too. I would recommend that you and your boyfriend look at pictures of sex positions together, outside of the bedroom. Looking at pictures and talking through logistics together will make it a lot easier to try new things once you’re naked!
2. Make Small Adjustments
You don’t have to get too acrobatic during sex. Sometimes even the smallest adjustment can create an entirely different angle of penetration. Try pulling your legs further apart, or squeezing them closer together. Try moving one leg but keeping the other still. Try tilting your pelvis up or back. Any of these minor shifts will lead to new sensations.
3. Use Your Words
In TV and the movies, characters always roll around into new and complicated positions without ever speaking to each other. While this does happen naturally every once in a while, you should expect that you and your boyfriend will have to speak to each other when you want to get into a new position. There’s nothing wrong with using your words! You don’t have to give a speech; something as simple as, “I want to get on top” or “let me pull my legs up” will do the trick.
Keep in mind that there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to move. Just keep experimenting with each other and having fun!
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