In this life, we all face challenges — tests of our mettle, causes that seem beyond lost, problems that seem to push the very limits of our intellect, creativity, and bravery. And sometimes, one of those challenges is figuring out how to deal with a really big penis.
Many people believe that, like the noble Sasquatch, the too-big penis is simply a myth; others think you’re experimenting with a new genre of humblebraggery when you complain that a too-big penis chafed your vagina so much while having sex that it still stings hours later. “Must be a nice problem to have,” those unenlightened folks will tell you, as they angrily sip their lattes and mentally cross you off their Christmas card lists. But trust me, too-big penises are very real — and they are a very real problem.
Enormous penises sound great on paper, of course — if they didn’t, “Boogie Nights” would just be a movie about a guy who works in a bar sometimes. But having intercourse with a very large penis can be distracting in a way that makes it hard to enjoy yourself fully in the moment and difficult to focus on orgasming. In the worst cases, I personally have experienced a painful, tearing feeling while a too-big penis entered my vagina; I’ve experienced post-sex chafing, rawness, stinging, and, on one terrible occasion, I yowled in pain while peeing in a Starbucks bathroom a few hours after a particularly un-lubed encounter with a massive dong.
And the anxiety and anticipation that can rise out of these experiences can suck the fun out of your entire sex life — not just the parts involving penetrative sex. Stressing out about dealing with a big penis can be the hardest part of dealing with a big penis.
That's why you can't leave it to chance, friends. If you are dealing with a very large penis in your life and are at a loss for what to do, you need a plan. And I would like to help you develop one.
Note : I am not a doctor, nor any other kind of medical professional. I’m
not even sure I actually completed my science requirement in college (I
took a class called “Ethical Debates in Modern Robotics” as a pass/fail and then stopped showing up mid-semester). So, what follows is not medical advice. These are simply the musings
of one woman who has struggled to get a number of hotdogs down her hallway.
Also, if you’re experiencing serious pain when having penis-in-vagina intercourse, please see a doctor — there are a lot of real-deal medical problems that include extreme vaginal pain as a symptom.
1. Lube, lube, lube
Lube is a classic for a reason — it’s one of those simple items that solve a surprising number of everyday problems, like baking soda, or Melrose Place DVDs. Apply lube everywhere — I mean, everywhere. Go to town! And don’t just apply it to the penis in question — make sure you get your vaginal opening very lubed up, as well. In my experience, doing this really decreases the rawness you can sometimes feel after sex.
2. Try different positions
3. Focus on foreplay/afterplay
4. Break out the toys
5. Talk about it
6. Change your expectationsWhen working with a huge penis, some things will take more time. Some things will be impossible. Some things will be possible, but they'll take a lot more planning and equipment than you initially thought, and you might start to feel like you are helping someone build a tool shed rather than engaging in a spontaneous act of lovemaking. So the most helpful tool for, uh, handling a big tool, is to try to drop your expectations about what you have to do to make your sex look "good" — that sex shouldn't have to have toys, or a massive amount of foreplay every time, or whatever it is you need. Don't stress out about that. As noted sexual scholar Dr. George Michael once put it, "Sex is fun." Don't lose sight of that, even in the most trying moments.