Sunny The Elephant Will Fling Snot At Any Happy Couples He Sees, Which Is A Legitimate Reaction To PDA

Nobody likes PDA, but the many unspoken rules of society prevent us from, say, flinging our snot at the obnoxiously cute couple holding hands as they walk down the street. Luckily for us cynical bastards, animals don't have to worry about police officers or societal convention, which is why couples should stay far, far away from Sunny, the elephant who hates happy couples with a passion rivaling your jaded aunt Mary's after her second glass of wine and her third divorce. Sunny's cynicism is so great that the Japanese zoo was forced to post a sign near his enclosure warning couples of their impending doom, the Daily Dot reports. According to the sign, any public indications of romance will cause Sunny to "throw clumps of grass and shoot water (and sometimes snot) at couples," because he is a very jealous elephant whose heart was cruelly broken in the past by a fickle zookeeper — or something like that, anyway. He doesn't like to talk about it.Other theories about the origin of Sunny's particular way of telling people to get a room include... well, there's only one other explanation, actually, and it's that he's touched in the head, Rocket News 24 reports. "If you are not part of a couple and get stuff flung at you anyway, please understand that Sunny is a very odd elephant," the sign continues.

I was planning on visiting Sunny when I inevitably find myself alone next Valentine's Day, but maybe I should stick to my tried-and-true plan of boxed wine and mid-priced chocolate. No matter how much I may sympathize with his quest to make couples as miserable as he is, I have no desire to find this guy charging at me with a trunk full of snot.

Even so, I wish Sunny the best in his one-elephant crusade against people who find happiness and fulfillment in the arms of another. You can't tell me that you're not fighting the urge to do the same thing when you're confronted with their sickeningly happy faces.

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