I try to avoid retail dressing rooms. The lights are harsh and unforgiving. They aren't really private. Getting undressed and re-dressed is an annoying hassle. So yeah, dressing rooms aren't always pleasant, but when I need to find jeans that actually fit, I have no choice but to make use of the fitting rooms offered by the stores at which I shop. But I don't like it.
Sometimes, I will even skip trying something on in favor of doing so in the sanctity of my home and return it if I don't like it. An extra, inefficient step? Yes, but it works wonders for my sanity.
Dressing rooms can be intimidating for all the reasons I've already mentioned, but also because there's so much going on. I find that a bunch of questions race through my mind and most of them have absolutely nada to do with whether or not I like the actual piece of clothing I am trying on.
Why am I worrying about the last time anyone around here vacuumed or why the person who tried this item on before me wore so much deodorant? And why can't this overly friendly fitting room attendant just let me be? Will anyone try to stop me if i just run out screaming?
Here are eight things that run through everyone's mind when they're trying stuff on. You know the dressing room struggle is real.
1. "Should I really be taking off my shoes on this unvacuumed floor?"
I hate dirty rugs and I don't even want to think about what I'd find if I ran a black light over dressing room carpets. Yet, when trying something on, I cringe at removing my shoes.
2. "Why did the person who tried this on before me wear so much deodorant?"
When an article of clothing has deodorant all over it from the previous customer who tried it on, I am baffled. Did they just rub their stick of deodorant all over the shirt?! Take the loss, retailers, and get me a fresh, clean garment.
3. "Please go away, friendly clerk. Your helpfulness is stressing me out."
I don't mind a clerk who wants to help me and be useful by grabbing another size if the one I brought with me doesn't fit. But when she comes at me and asks me "How are things working out?" or if she can get me another size for the third time, I'm pretty much wishing for peace and quiet.
4. "These doors don't even lock well! Someone's definitely going to see me naked."
Massive fear right there. The door locks are marginal at best. Why even have a door?! I am always concerned that in my haste of trying to get dressed under fluorescent lights in the room the size of a jail cell that I will knock the door open and give everyone a show.
5. "Will this even go with anything else I own?"
Despite the anxiety, sometimes, I will actually think about how the piece I am trying on fits the rest of my wardrobe.
6. "OMG I'm going to be stuck in this too-small dress forever if I don't rip it off."
We've all heard that dreaded pull or rip of threads when trying on something a bit too tight. I am always gripped by the "What if this rips? Do I leave it and sneak out? Am I going to get arrested?!" fear.
7. "Why does the music need to be as loud as the inside of a subwoofer at a rave?"
Seriously, why are dressing rooms at some stores louder than raves? I feel like I am in a subwoofer. Who needs all those "untz untz untz" beats to accompany the act of trying on jeans? It's a fitting room — not a freakin' house party.
These are the reasons why I skip the dressing room more often than not. I'm sure you understand.
Images: Giphy (7); Amy Sciarretto (1)
