We Fixed 'Mad Men's Waitress Plot

As a huge fan of the show, I am seriously frustrated with Mad Men 's Diana the waitress plot. After May 17, Mad Men will no longer exist. The show is ENDING. Forever. Which is why it's so terrible that we have to spend so much time dealing with some waitress who doesn't matter. We could be spending more time with Pete. Or Betty. Or even Bobby Draper! We may never get to see Bobby again! I need to say goodbye, so get the freaking mom from Twilight out of here. (Sorry, Elizabeth Reaser. But these are desperate times!)

I know, I know. This show simply follows people's lives and as such, people are going to come in and out of those lives and the waitress is just one of MANY women who have been part of Don Draper's story. That said, it is still a show and we don't see every waking moment of these people's existence, so some things have to be left out. Diana should have been one of them. We are down to the wire and if I'm not going to get to watch Sally Draper's entire life as I would have liked, then I want to focus on the characters I do know in the final moments. Put simply, Diana is a screen time thief.

Because the waitress plot is one of the most annoying Mad Men has ever seen (yes, I'm counting Glen), it's only right that we fix this issue in the only way possible: replacing Diana with The Waitress from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

They have so much in common! They're both waitresses! Other things! OK, maybe the only thing they have in common is being known as "the waitress," but that's enough because Always Sunny's Waitress would bring so much to Mad Men. Where Diana is a super sad person who leaves situations by running far, far away from them, The Waitress is not afraid to be upfront when it comes to expressing her disgust with people. While Diana moseys into Don's children's room to mourn the loss of her kids and her former life, The Waitress sleeps with Frank Reynolds as part of some sort of complicated revenge plot. Boning an old man who likes to eat sausages that he stores in his shirt pockets is exactly the type of pizazz Mad Men's waitress character needs!

(Also, like, they're both waitresses and both of these shows are great so this kind of just needed to happen.)

So! With no further ado...

Waitress Improvement #1

At the end of this scene, The Waitress and Don would decide to go out for ice cream at the Howard Johnson where no one would get upset, and Don would just listen to her ramble about "bridge people" and something called a "Sweet Dee." Much better than depressing stories of abandoning your child, if I do say so myself!

Waitress Improvement #2

Look at that alert face! This waitress would never have other things on her mind while taking an order.

Waitress Improvement #3

Tensions ran high in this elevator ride, but The Waitress really relates to the viewers in this show: happy to see Lindsay Weir one last time. Has Diana ever related to the audience?! (Besides being sexually attracted to Don Draper, obviously.) Methinks not!

Here's hoping Diana never shows up again. Only two episodes remain and ain't nobody got time for that.

Images: Giphy; AMC; FX