This Weirdly Sexual Mother's Day Video Will Make You Cringe So Hard Your Face Will Get Stuck Like That For Life — VIDEO
In all seriousness, the only time someone makes a "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" joke these days, it's a set-up for some gross scene in a movie that probably should have made it to the deleted scenes. But I am genuinely curious if this man in particular kisses his mother with that mouth, because his upsettingly sexual Mother's Day video, "Don't Make It Weird Mom," just simultaneously shut down all of my organs with its weirdness. I can't even imagine the reality his poor mother is living in right now.
Like, you know how people warned you when you were a kid not to make this or that face, because it would get stuck like that? Yeah, well, they were right. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to un-cringe my face from the sheer, unadulterated horror of watching this video. And the worst part is, after the first viewing, I watched it again. It's like driving past the wreckage of a car accident, only a car accident probably wouldn't make you want to put someone in therapy for an Oedipus complex and then wash your own mouth out with soap while you're at it.
Anyway, if you're planning to profoundly terrify your mother next Mother's Day, here are a few pro-tips from the master himself:
Reference the nine months you spent squeezed in her uterus
Don't forget the sexually explicit hand gesture, or she might think that you've referenced it out of, like, gratitude or something. (Ew.)
Make some incredibly crude boob jokes
You haven't really succeeded in this arena until you've made her fully regret using those boobs to keep you alive in the first place.
Make the entire human race regret your existence
I'm sorry, I'm going to have to take a break to curl into a fetal position and cry myself to sleep. And then as soon as I'm done I'm going to call this dude's mother and hug her over the phone as hard as I possibly can.
But hey, at least the Worst Son Of The Year is in good company. He is just one among many less-than-lovely Mother's Day surprises this year, including and not limited to:
1. This little boy who got a little too honest
2. This super appreciative dude
3. The people who took cards from the "emergency stash" in this Applebee's men's restroom
4. This kid who made a fetus pancake out of mom appreciation
5. This literal facepalm
God help us all. (Just kidding, only the moms who have to deal with this shiz.)