It warms my cold, cold heart to almost thawing status that all the beloved trends and products of our '90s childhood have made booming comebacks. It's 100 percent socially acceptable to pretend we are children again with jelly shoes back in style and the brony thing happening all over the place. But at this point, it's safe to guess that Doritos rule the world. There now exists freaking Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew. It's that serious. But who am I to fight trends? As such, your favorite Doritos flavor suggests a lot about you.
So much for making accurate judgement calls based off a person's footwear of choice (because, hello? Bunions and arch support are no joke and therefore not always optional in acknowledging their existence). Nope, no way. We learn much more about a human's brain, goals, overall demeanor, and other important arenas when we first learn their Doritos flavor preference. Because unlike the '90s when we popped into our first bag of these godly snack foods, there are no far more options than just Cool Ranch and that other one. It's a brand new world. All the Doritos flavor options and the associated personality types are seemingly endless. What a time to be alive. Here's what your favorite Doritos flavor says about you:
You're classic in style and classy in temperament. Usually clad in smart neutral colors and impermeable to any road rage, your friends consider you a steady, cool (see what I did there?) person. You also listen to Chumbawumba by yourself. A lot. Still.
Ah, the second OG to the Doritos flavor emporium. You have a pretty perverted sense of humor and unfortunately peaked in ninth grade. But you do great on the Reddit boards, so there's that.
You're very good at getting bartenders' attention, predicting spy novels, remembering vitamins, and wearing velour. You're probably a Libra.
You know no greater mortal enemy than seasonal allergies but you just blame all the face hole runny-ness on your morbidly spicy snack foods.
You will try to start a local rollerblading league at least four times in your life and when it continues to not pan out, you're the kind of person to re-focus efforts towards equestrian endeavors. You only chew wintergreen gum and start listening to Christmas music in October.
You secretly have no idea what nachos are. And I'm sorry, but it's no longer a secret. Apologist for pigeons.
You've been entertaining the idea of getting a hair wrap for close to 11 years now. The time is right, sweet Flamas. Go for it. You're also prone to becoming any dog's absolute favorite person. Lucky.
Jalapeño Pepper Jack
CrossFit junkie, fan of Kid Rock, friend to Whovians.
Ranch Dipped Hot Wings
Ready to defend why Spotify is better than Rdio even if no one is listening.
Spicy Street Taco
Agrees with Ross forever—they were on a break! Also into comfortable sandals.
Images: Hugo Martins/Flickr; Giphy (10)