What can I say about Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen that hasn't been said by many other '90s children. I loved every Mary-Kate and Ashley movie, ever. But the group of movies that the twins did between 1998 to 2004 (read: Switching Goals to New York Minute) were pure cinematic artistry. These movies that were filmed around the world not only introduced a young girl from the Chicago suburbs (me) to the Bahamas, Australia, London, Paris, Salt Lake City, and beyond — but they also taught me about grown-up issues that I assumed I would face at some point in my life.
But, as it turns out, not every high schooler faces international artifact smuggling charges. Nor does every pre-teen get carted off to Australia because their lives are threatened while in the Witness Protection Program. I'm still waiting, as an official adult (23 is official, right?) to go on a Survivor type show where I have to be at odds with my estranged twin sister. Basically, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movies had some major grown-up problems that were so extreme, and so outlandish, that they really misrepresented real adulthood to young, naive people like me. I'm glad adulthood isn't as dramatic as Mary-Kate and Ashley would have me believe.
Here are seven times Mary-Kate and Ashley had grown-up problems that were all too real for the tweens.
1. Landing In Police Custody For Trespassing In Passport to Paris
It's all fun and games until your French moped driving boyfriends and you end up trespassing and get busted by the police. Jean and Michel weren't entirely bad news. But, come on boys, these girls were representing Grandpa Mary-Kate & Ashley... how dare you risk his political importance. The girls should have stuck with Shane and Kyle, the "A++" boys who asked them to Spring Fling in the beginning of the film.
2. Having Assassins Sent After You In Our Lips Are Sealed
Totally normal teenage problems. Oh, wait. When Maddie and Abby witness the Kneel Diamond (Wait, Neil Diamond? Is that an Easter egg to all the parents who were forced to watch these movies?) robbery, they are sent into the Witness Protection Program. #GrownUpProblems number one. Because they actually have the Kneel Diamond on them — they don't know it — Hatchew (God bless you) sends assassins after the THIRTEEN YEAR OLDS.
3. Mastering World Affairs In Winning London
This movie has a nice lesson for young kids who might want to pursue a future in international affairs, but at nine-years-old, I had no friggin' clue what any of this movie was about other than a group of students were "abducted" to put pressure on the Model UN teams. And, honestly, those "abducted" students got to eat pizza and play video games... kind of made it seem like an ideal situation.
4. Getting Involved In International Artifact Smuggling In Holiday in the Sun
The real scandal in the movie — other than Brianna Wallace, of department store Wallaces, not being featured more — was the very scary fact that MK & A became intertwined in an antiquities smuggling ring. CASUAL. The girls are arrested (along with their cute boyfriends for the movie) and thrown in the Bahamas slammer. WHO HAS THAT HAPPEN TO THEM AS YOUNG TEENS. OR EVEN AS ADULTS?
5. Exposing Company Fraud In When in Rome
Never mind that they were high school students who got an internship in Rome with a huge fashion label, (never. would. happen.) but Charli and Leila (yup.) also discovered and exposed a very intricate ring of company fraud by Mr. Tortoni.
6. Mending A Relationship With Your Estranged Sister In The Challenge
Two twin sisters, who know about each other and hate the other, are brought together for a volatile battle of the twins in The Challenge. When you take the Mary-Kate and Ashley aspects out of the film (love stories, college scholarships, and fear of fruitcake), you're left with a pretty heavy concept of two estranged sisters mending a broken relationship. Way to get deep, girls.
7. Becoming Linked To The Seedy Underground Of NYC Piracy In New York Minute
Last but certainly not least, in their final movie, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen took us on a very dark adventure into the very shady, very illegal underbelly of piracy in New York City. Anyone who lives in New York, or has visited, knows that piracy (whether it be handbags, CDs, DVDs, whatever) is not a chill thing in New York. WHO else but MK & A could deal with that as a high schoolers?