5 Habits Of Deeply Connected Couples

by Brianna Wiest

It's what we all, at some level, want: a relationship in which we're seen for who we are, and loved for that person, unconditionally. Yet it often seems impossible to find, let alone maintain. People who are genuinely connected to one another tend to behave in a way that transcends shallowness, even in the simplest, day-to-day actions. Maybe it's that they developed that manner of being before they got into their (great) relationship, or maybe it is something that develops slowly and patiently over time (but hey, chicken or egg, right?).

But there is no denying the subtle moments that speak so much more volume to the connectedness of a couple than anything else can. Sometimes these moments are so small and unpronounced that you don't even acknowledge them, but little by little, they come to define the dynamic of your relationship and the way you relate to each other. If you recognize yourself and your S.O. in these behaviors, then you have probably already reached that level of quiet understanding with each other. Here are the five intimate habits that couples who are deeply connected to each other embody:

You stream of consciousness share things with them without thinking about it

Sharing books and ideas, e-mailing links to articles they'd love, or reading your favorite passages to one another when you get home. Once your minds are connected, your souls can be too. (It doesn't necessarily have to work in that order, but it often does.) Sharing with someone the books that moved you most, articles that just made you think of them, ideas that inspired you, is the most intimate way you can communicate with someone. Couples who are deeply connected to one another know this, and do it often.

You coexist silently in the same space

It's the long, quiet drives with open windows and music blaring, the moments in which your comfort with one another does not require you to fill every second with words. It's when you're working in your own corners, aware of one another, but focused none-the-less.

You communicate non-verbally (and accurately, at that)

The look they shoot you at the family dinner table, and you knowing it means they're ready to go. Asking, for the second time, if they're okay, because their mannerisms are indicating otherwise. Couples who are deeply connected with one another communicate silently, most of the time. This makes them hyper-aware of how the other person is really doing (and that much more capable of loving them.)

You're always curious, even (and maybe especially) about the darker, less obvious things

Asking questions and knowing when it's time to just hold space and let the other person speak. Wanting to simply be aware of every part of them, even the not so beautiful sides.

You can evaluate the relationship objectively — and figure out how you can better yourself in it, not how it should change

Being able to see the issues that you take with one another outside of the scope of your intimate connection is crucial: to be able to see how your minor, petty frustrations are temporary, and beyond your relationship is crucial to being able to speak about them honestly, resolve them entirely and ultimately move on with your life. When you sit around frustrated demanding that everything and everyone else change, nothing happens.

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