This Might Be The Worst Missed Connection Ever

by Jamie Kenney

I have very negative, visceral reactions to certain words. It's not even what they mean that grosses me out, but the sound of them just sets me on edge. "Rump" is one such word. "Toot" is another. A third: "titties." In the case of titties, it's not only an issue of the word sounding awful (although it definitely does) but I've never heard a context for someone saying "titties" that didn't make me massively uncomfortable. So I'm sure you can imagine that when I saw a Craigslist missed connection titled "To the braless girl with the titties from God" that my shudder could be measured on the Richter Scale.

Agh! Staaaaahp. No. Shut up and never talk again. I've thought about this and there is literally nothing that can bring that back from that being disgusting and offensive. Not a "j/k!" Not a "Sorry for the jarring title, but I am Hollywood leading man and noted feminist Mark Ruffalo, and I wrote that title to highlight just how sexist other dudes can be." Nothing. But the writer goes on for 294 words of what basically amounts to long-distance street harassment. While this could be a completely fictional encounter and the writer is simply trying to be ZOMG SO HYSTERICAL with phrases like, "If there were ever any proof of a divine creator, your chest contains both exhibits A and B," I get the impression that it's not. And if it is, it's still sketchy as hell, because what's the punchline here? "Tits"? Tits aren't especially funny in and of themselves, and they're not funny in the context of being mentally groped by creepy dudes.

At best, street harassment is mildly annoying. At worst, it is absolutely terrifying. The idea that it can now follow us into our homes via crap like this is deeply unsettling. The full grossness is below. Let's do better, humans.

Images: Getty Images; Craigslist