Elmo Will Call And Abuse Your Friends For Free!

Do you have something nagging on your mind that you really want to tell your friend but can't get up the courage? Or are you even more immature than that, and just want to be a jerk for the lol-factor? Well, now you can get Elmo to call up your friends and say abusive things to them with the service "Abusive Elmo On Demand." (I feel a Sesame Street cease and desist letter coming on.) The service is 100% free, and promises that Elmo, a "loose cannon" will call up your nominated friend and tell them to go screw themselves, and you can listen to a sample message on the site to get an idea of how adorably creepy that actually sounds.

The site say that Elmo will say, "Very bad things. If your friend is one of the lucky few & Elmo sticks to the script they should get off with just a verbal spanking," but there's no limit to exactly how vile Elmo might be. The owner of the site, who claims to be living with an increasingly aggressive Elmo, writes,

"No-one really knows what's going to come out of his mouth. I've told him that he's not allowed to go overboard with the insults however I can't be sure whether or not he'll stop there. I can't control him so if he does go overboard I have to note that I'm not responsible for your friends physical or mental health after receiving the message."

Yep, this sounds like something reasonable adults should be spending there time partaking in. Meanwhile, if a service like this had have been around when I was in high school, everyone would have had a field day at slumber parties. Here are some reasons you should use Abusive Elmo, according to the site:

1. "Dominance Display"

Because as functioning adults, it's important we belittle our friends as often as possible to remind them who's boss.

2. "Elmo's Health"

Because Elmo needs a punching bag, and who better than someone you know?

3. "It's Free"

The best reason to do anything!

4. "It's Fun"

Randomly annoying and abusing people! FUN!

5. "For Me"

The site runner allegedly needs Elmo's aggression deflected from him/her, although in all seriousness, saying, "There is only so much a human body can take. Please don't leave me here anymore," seems like a really poor taste joke about domestic violence.

6. "Why Not?"

Piss into the wind!

Photos: PBS; Giphy (6)