Things A Grown-Ass Man Will Never Ask Of A Woman

Grown-ass men don't always act like grown-ass men. Take it from a grown-ass woman who's had to deal with grown-ass men who still act like they're little babies. So much of growing up is based on taking on responsibility, and while you can still be an immature as hell adult who enjoys funfetti cupcakes and playing video games, you have to do things like pay bills and moderate the way you act in society. For instance, children throw tantrums, but grown-ass people do not. When it comes to being a grown ass man, the main goal is to not be a little fuckboy anymore. So the way you react to women—which as a teenager, might have been with ambivalence or machismo (or I don't know, maybe you've always been brilliant towards women in which case, high five)—needs to grow up in tandem with your age.

As such, there are certain things a grown-ass man should never ask a woman to do. I mean, these are things probably no one should say to grown-ass women, but in this context are indicative of the way grown-ass men should treat the women in their lives. That is to say, with respect and compassion. You know, basic human decency. For some reason, that's sometimes much harder than it sounds. Here are six things a grown ass man never says to a woman, because he is a good and kind person who wants the women in his life to be amazing, not drag them down or belittle them:

1. "Lose weight."

Look, I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with encouraging the people you love to make healthy choices for their lives and bodies, so long as you aren't shaming them, no matter what. And also as long as you aren't drawing a connection between YOUR idea of a "healthy weight" and someone's ACTUAL health status, which you likely don't know. Pretty much nothing warrants a grown-ass man commenting on your weight, and you're free to feel as livid as you please if he does. A real man doesn't use a woman's weight to belittle her, nor does he impose weird or unattainable notions of perfection upon her. A grown-ass man makes a woman he cares for feel good about herself, because if she's any kind of grown-ass woman she does the same for him, because we're humans who are more than our bodies (even though a lot of our insecurities are tied up in them), and the ones who love us love our bodies as they are. It's my (professional-ish) opinion that people should build one another up, not tear each other down, ESPECIALLY over superficial things like looks.

2. "You can't go out without me."

No grown-ass many dictates a woman's social life. Sure, in certain circumstances there are inappropriate things a man is entitled to an opinion on, for instance, if his girlfriend goes out for an intimate dinner with another man who clearly fancies her (but who's doing that anyway? Unless you're some kind of weird game player), because jealousy is natural and everyone feels it, but even then, really all he gets is an opinion. A man should never tell a woman she can't have any kind of social life that doesn't involve him. Grown-ass men and women are supposed to trust and respect one another, and a grown-ass man will never try to control a woman by forbidding her to attend a social occasion that doesn't involve him.

3. "You should talk to your mom less."

Some women have a bond with their mothers that can't be understood, and that should not be trifled with. A woman with this friendship, no matter what age, wants to talk to her mom as much as possible. Maybe as much as she wants to talk to her significant other. And that's fine. Don't get yourself caught up in that because it's a battle you will not win. As a grown-ass man, understand that if you date a woman who is tight with her mom, it's a package deal. If said mom is being mean or unreasonable towards you, that's okay to broach with your lady, but a blanket statement asking her to ditch her mom is never going to go down well.

4. "Do this sex thing that I love but makes you completely uncomfortable."

Obviously, we all do things in sex we don't completely love, but we occasionally do because the person we love likes them and the pleasure comes from seeing the one we love enjoying themselves. It's called compromise, and it's fine—to a point. A grown-ass man will never, NEVER try to pressure a woman into a sex act that makes her feel uncomfortable and she downright does not want to do. If you're a grown-ass man that NEEDS to do some unorthodox sex thing to be fulfilled, and the woman you're with doesn't want to do it, DO NOT guilt/shame/cajole her into do something she unequivocally doesn't want to do. Either learn to live without it or move on and find someone who is open to it, because forcing sex acts onto someone who is reluctant is not only selfish but it's disrespectful and unkind.

5. "Focus less on your career."

This is the main reason I hated The Devil Wears Prada. SPOILER ALERT: In the end, the boyfriend asks his girlfriend to stop having such a wonderful career in order to hang out with him more. NO ONE has ever asked a man to do this, and any man would laugh in your face if that were your request. Juggling career and personal life is hard, but a grown-ass man wants the woman he's with to be accomplished, independent and fulfilled AS WELL AS spending time with him.

6. "Change who you are when we're in public."

No grown-ass man wants the woman he's with to shrink down and become smaller. If a man is telling you to be quieter, talk less, not laugh so loudly when you're in public spaces or hanging out with his friends/family, then run a mile in the other direction. A grown-ass man should want the woman he's with to be the immense, wonderful, ballsy person she is (or whatever sort of person she happens to be) in the most honest, biggest way possible. A grown-ass man wants his girlfriend to be more herself, whatever herself entails, whether it's being the loudest person in the room or the silliest or the shyest or whatever: grown-ass men aren't intimidated by the person a woman is.

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