Attention, Upper East Siders... and other people with basic access to technology. I have the tastiest bit of gossip: turns out that Leighton Meester is expecting a baby with husband Adam Brody. Or, to stress it in a language we all know, Blair Waldorf is expecting a baby with Seth Cohen. And hey, I'm sure Meester could learn a thing or two about raising a child from her Gossip Girlcharacter, the one and only Queen B, right?
...OK, actually, I really hope not. Gossip Girl's Blair Waldorf, bless her heart, seemed like she was going to be the worst mother ever. Every move she made, from Season 3 onward, was straight out of the "Bad Life Decisions" playbook. And Season 5, when she was in the throws of her pregnancy and subsequent marriage to Prince Louis, Blair was at her peak of bad decisions. That's OK, of course, because making mistakes is how you learn in life, but still — she wasn't always the best role model, just sayin'.
But, her decisions weren't all bad — and maybe if we all really squint and tilt our heads during a Gossip Girl rewatch, we'll be able to see some Blair behavior that's worth emulating. And yeah, exponentially more behavior NOT worth emulating.
So, here's a quick list of things that Meester should take from Blair when dealing with her pregnancy, as well as plenty of things from Blair she should throw far, far away.
DON'T: Prolong any drama, because it'll only come back to haunt you later.
Rest assured, Meester is, like, very likely NOT going to have the same baby daddy-related problems Blair did, because when your husband is the heartthrob from The O.C. and you guys have an annoyingly sweet relationship, that stuff just doesn't happen. BUT, it's still advice worth following: When Blair prolonged drama, it never went well.
DO: Get your BFF to throw you a killer baby shower.
One of the nicer moments between Blair and Serena (out of all three of them) is when Serena throws Blair a beautiful Breakfast at Tiffany's baby shower/wedding shower. It was sweet of S to know that B would want a shower garnished with Tiffany blue boxes and lengths of pearls. Though Meester's relationship with Blake Lively is questionable, she's still tight with Gossip Girl co-star Zuzanna Szadkowski. And who would be better to throw a Blair Waldorf baby shower than the real-life Dorota?
DO: Inspire and empower the next generation.
Jenny and Blair didn't really have the most even of relationships, pretty much because nobody had an even relationship on this show. However, there was a great moment at the end of the second season when she crowns Little J the new Queen of Constance. Her words of advice? "Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you."
For the record, none out of none of the women on this show followed this advice. But, it's great wisdom otherwise, and one that anyone should pass on to their daughter.
DON'T: Get into a car with your ex-lover and have said car speed down the road while you're being chased by paparazzi.
But I sort of feel like this was just a Blair-centric problem.
DO: Keep your head held high like a queen, even in your darkest hour.
If Blair Waldorf was good at anything, it was overcoming intense drama, reputation-damaging scandals, and yes, even hardcore tragedy. If Meester can channel that strength, than her pregnancy should be a cinch.
Images: CW (1), Giphy (6)