A New Regulation May Require Porn Actors to Wear Goggles, Because Apparently High School Chemistry Wasn't Traumatizing Enough

Porn may be about to get a lot sexier... with the useful and practical addition of safety goggles, of course. According to the LA Daily News, California's Division of Occupational Safety and Health has released a 21-page draft detailing regulations and practices designed to keep porn stars safe while they get dirty for the pleasure of the masses.

From the presentation:

1. Where occupational exposure remains after institution of engineering and work practice controls, the employer shall provide, at no cost to the employee, appropriate personal protective equipment such as, but not limited to, condoms, gloves for cleaning, and, if contact of the eyes with OPIM—STI [“Other Potentially Infectious Materials – Sexually Transmitted Infections”] is reasonably anticipated, eye protection. Personal protective equipment will be considered "appropriate" only if it prevents blood or OPIM—STI from passing through to or reaching the employee's eyes, mouth, or other mucous membranes, or non-intact skin under normal conditions of use and for the duration of time which the protective equipment will be used.

Roughly translated for us commonfolk: If there is the risk of someone pooping, peeing, ejaculating, squirting, et al. in someone's eye, porn producers should have a bucket of free safety goggles on hand, lest one of the actors dies in the line of duty.

Despite the lovely sentiment behind keeping our porn actors safe, it is a bit hard to imagine the practicality of forcing them to actually wear goggles during filming. Diane Duke, CEO of the Canoga Park-based Free Speech Coalition, said in a statement, "These are regulations designed for medical settings, and are unworkable on an adult film set — or even a Hollywood film set." Indeed, it might be a bit of a turn-off for some people if suddenly every porn produced in California featured weirdly distorted, goggled faces. If anyone wants a free, brilliant idea, might I humbly suggest that instead of goggles, porn sets just install one of those eye wash stations like in high school chemistry? It would be a lot less of a nuisance, plus it would provide the opportunity for even more shower sex porn.

For many reasons, I highly doubt we will be seeing an upswing in the amount of goggle-related porn, but drafting these regulations puts California on the right track. Porn stars and sex workers are people, too, and their chosen occupation is just as valid as anyone's. Thus, it makes sense that they have safety precautions in place as well. Fortunately, I can't say anyone has ever ejaculated in my eyes, but I can only imagine the sting. Stay safe, you brave, brave souls.