Though Gilmore Girls fans love to fuss over the blue-eyed fast-talking duo that is Lorelai and Rory, they're hardly the only memorable Stars Hollow residents. Note here that "memorable" doesn't always mean "good," because within every charming small town there's plenty of certifiable losers who build cars and get teen married. But among the constantly employed Kirk, and the easily irritable Taylor Doose, there is a gem in the midst. That gem is none other than the vivacious Miss Patty, a woman so full of life that she without a doubt deserves her own series.
Played with zest by Liz Torres, Miss Patty was beyond a doubt one of the most fascinating resident of Stars Hollow, if not the most fascinating resident. She was a woman who was clearly rich with experience and gifted with influence and power, so why were we following the Gilmore Girls around for 78 episodes? Miss Patty stole the show every time that she was on the screen, and she left you thinking about her long after she was gone. Sorry, Lorelai and Rory, but, as great as you ladies are, you are no Miss Patty.
Unconvinced? Let me just embellish why Miss Patty definitely deserves her own show, and the range of shows she could produce.
1. She's A Well Of Information
Both Patty and Babette knew the town gossip before anyone else, and Patty especially was on the pulse of Stars Hollow. Intercepting the phone lines will do that. But why limit that talent to the teensy tiny Stars Hollow? Patty and Babette should take Manhattan, and use their evil gifts to start up a hot blog documenting the scandals of the Upper East Side's elite. The title: Gossip Women. Babette's cat Apricot is slated to make a guest appearance.
2. She Doesn't Play By The Rules
Remember when Patty got caught eating fruit by Kirk, and he got all pissy about it? And then he had to apologize later because he didn't realize she was THE Miss Patty? I think it would be great to see a gritty drama following vigilante Patty as she steals peaches and pears at grocery stores across the country. Let me get AMC on the line.
3. She's Basically The Most Important Person In Town, Besides Taylor... And That Can Change
I'm just saying, what if there was a little... accident that happened to Taylor, and Miss Patty was at the center of this murder mystery. Who killed Taylor Doose? Was it the disgruntled diner owner Luke? That person in the supermarket with the wrench? Or... Miss Patty herself? Find out, Thursdays at 9, on NBC.
4. She's An Accomplished Working Woman
Miss Patty put on some unforgettable shows during her tenure as the Stars Hollow dance studio instructor. Who can forget Buckle Up on Patty? Truly inspired. So why couldn't we do a show following Patty's average work day as she molds the minds and bodies of young dancers?
5. She Has An Intriguing Past As A Thrice (Sorry, Three Men, Four Times) Married Actress
As if Patty isn't glamorous enough in the day-to-day, she also had an exciting history as an Elizabeth Taylor-type way back when. I want to know the backstory of a young Miss Patty, fresh-faced and trying to make it big... and I sure as hell want to know what kind of horrible men she tried to pursue.
6. She's A Strong & Unapologetically Sensual Woman
Actually, why can't we just have a show about how Patty uses her feminine wiles to seduce the town? She's like Connecticut's answer to Samantha Jones.
7. And If NOTHING Else, She Would Give Dean Something To Do
I am more pro-Jess than I am pro-Dean. I am, however, pro-Patty's-inappropriate-infatuation-with-Dean. Can we just have a show where the two of them elope and run a tiki bar in Maui?
Are you listening, TV execs? I just built you a gold mine.
Images: Warner Bros. Television; Giphy (7)