So I’m sitting here hanging out on my balcony with a glass of sparkling Lambrusco trying to pry my friends (via email) for their funniest sex stories. Unfortunately they are all as interesting as a sack of rocks. Side note: you may be wondering how you too can have a job that involves drinking and chillin like a boss and all I have to say is don’t take any sort of job that involves getting out of your PJs. In any case back to my friends. They are of no help save for three sad souls.
The rest of them apparently have sex lives that only involve sweet lovemaking and candles. Obviously they have never found themselves on hood of a car while people were clapping (total accident I swear) or bleeding all over their comforters thanks to Aunt Flo (also a total accident). FINE. You guys are perfect.
Which brings me to my predicament; this damn fly will not leave me the hell alone. And he wants some of my Lambrusco. No, that's not it. My predicament is that I only have three stories. But then I remembered the internet is full of sex mishaps. So I meandered over to Whisper where I found plenty of stories by poor unfortunate souls whose hookups were interrupted by something embarrassing and terrible but ultimately hilarious.
It's funny sex time, bishes.
1. Gotta learn how to hold that alcohol!
2. Just wondering what was so urgent that she decided to walk out and knock.
3. Try some Beano next time.
4. Yikes! What kind of guy doesn't clip their fingernails?
5. I can't. Seriously.
6. Seriously drawing the line on that one.
Images: Fotolia; Giphy
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