Poor, Poor Ginger Spice

If you told 11-year-old me that Geri Halliwell would one day struggle to sell records, I'd tell you to talk to my hand because my face ain't listening. Well, my soul was shattered into one million pieces today. Ginger Spice's current single "Half Of Me" sold 393 copies. 393 copies. I... can't even. She's a former Spice Girl. Her 1999 solo single "Look At Me" sold over 1 million copies worldwide. The lukewarm response "Half Of Me" has received is devastating. How could this happen?! The song is fun! The video is awesomely bananas! OH AND! She's GINGER SPICE!

Well, it's time to do a little "check-in" with the former Spices. What have they been up to since their flawless performance at the 2012 Summer Olympics? Fortunately, obtaining news about the Spice Girls is much, much easier now than it was back in 1998. As you may recall, Internet tabloid sites weren't really a "thing." I learned about Halliwell's departure from the group via chatroom. I was the only person in the chatroom from the US, so I felt extremely privileged that the Brits were willing to share that info with me before it hit physical newsstands. I know, I know. You're so jealous of me.

So! What's the latest Spice Force Five news?:

Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown

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In 2012, she appeared on Dancing With the Stars, Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model, and The X Factor UK. I suppose she likes the talent competition lifestyle, because in 2013, Mel B. joined the America's Got Talent judges panel. She also subbed in as a co-host on The Today Show.

Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton

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In 2013, Emma appeared on Your Face Sounds Familiar, This Morning Summer, and I Heart Glee. She hasn't released a solo album since 2006's Life In Mono. She's been a radio host and presenter since 2009. Emma and Mel C. performed "2 Become 1" at a Christmas tree lighting ceremony in London last week, and my heart grew three sizes. THEY'VE STILL GOT IT.

Melanie "Sporty Spice" Chisholm

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In 2012, Mel C. released Stages, her sixth solo album. She's had a fairly successful solo career. Rumor, er, rumour has it that she is currently dating X Factor winner Matt Cardle. The pair recorded the song "Loving You" together, and it charted at 14 in the UK.

Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell

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She was a judge on The X Factor in 2012 and Australia's Got Talent in 2013. Her single "Half of Me" was released in Australia… and didn't do too hot. She hasn't released an album since 2005, and her fourth album release date remains TBA.

Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham

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No solo singing career for this lady? No matter: in 2013, Woman's Hour on BBC Radio 4 dubbed Vicky Becks one of the UK's most powerful women. WHOA. What's she been up to? Oh right, she's a fashion designer and style icon. Celebrities love them some Victoria Beckham threads.

And the Spice Girl with the most Girl Power as of 2013? ALL OF THEM. They are the Spice Girls and they are Girl Power. Any questions?!

Wait, you really want me to pick one? Okay. Ugh. If you insist. While Mel C. continues to make well-received music, I'm going to have to give it to Posh. She's arguably as (if not more) famous and successful as she was back in the '90s. Plus, she's married to David Beckham. I'd be lying if I said David Beckham isn't a prize. But you know what? They've all been workin' in show biz since the group called it quits. No one has faded into obscurity. Girl Power forever!