I'm so happy that The CW ordered a full season of The Originals . I've grown attached to The Vampire Diaries spin-off, and I'd hate for it to leave my screen prematurely. That being said, I was none too pleased with Tuesday night's episode. Wait, no. I totally loved every minute of it. I just couldn't handle the visit paid by Tyler Lockwood. There must be someone else out there who shares my dislike for th Vampire Diaries character, right? He's so annoying and unnecessarily vague about everything. And when he's not being annoying and unnecessarily vague about everything, he's being boring as hell. Matt is so much better than Tyler. I don't care that Matt is a basic mortal. At least Matt has a likable personality.
I know Tyler's been through some serious stuff. But so has everyone else on The Vamp Ds. And they all manage to be relatively reasonable. I like Klaus more than I like Tyler. Hunter Jeremy is more tolerable than Tyler. I'd even pick Evil Elena over Tyler.
At the beginning of the episode, we find out that Hayley is missing. And guess who's to blame? Tyler kidnapped Hayley and threw her in the back of his truck. Hello to you, too, Tyler. He fastened her wrists together with zip ties. Hayley cannot break free. Mental note: Zip ties > werewolves. Tyler stops at the edge of some swampy woods, retrieves Hayley from the back of his truck, and throws Hayley over his shoulder. Ew, Tyler. You two are wolf friends. Don't be such a dickbag!
Hayley finds herself in a swampy cottage in a bayou. Apparently, this bayou is where the last of her were-family hangs out. Her distant relatives lurk around in the swampy darkness. Hayley isn't feeling any of it (duh), and tells Tyler to stop being a dumbass. Sorry, Hayley. Tyler can't help who he is. He's going to keep dumbassing around Mystic Falls and Louisiana.
Brief refresher: Klaus turned Tyler into a hybrid. Tyler's ex-girlfriend, Caroline, always had a thing for Klaus. And finally, Klaus killed Tyler's mom. Tyler has some serious beef with Klaus.
Back to the episode! Dumbass of the Year decides to stab Hayley with a needle, take her hybrid hybrid blood, and inject the hybrid hybrid blood into another werewolf. Ooo, it's an experiment! Tyler tells Hayley that her baby's blood can make an army of hybrids, and that's the only reason Klaus cares about her. Hayley is like, "Hmm. That sounds like something Klaus would do." Sure enough, the test werewolf turns into a hybrid BUT! he seems to be sired to Hayley. Hayley can control the hybrid!
She tells the hybrid to attack Tyler. The new hybrid does just that. While Tyler is busy ripping out the new hybrid's heart, Hayley escapes. She runs into Elijah in the woods! Elijah and Klaus were looking for her! Yay, Mikaelsons! Hayley tells Elijah all about Klaus's maybe-plan to use the hybrid hybrid to create an army. Elijah is like, "hmm. That sounds like something Klaus would do." Hayley is like, "I KNOW!"
Meanwhile, Klaus is busy duking it out with Tyler. He almost kills Tyler. ALMOST. He decides it'd be crueler to let Tyler live.
Elijah and Hayley meet up with Klaus at the bayou cottage. Klaus is like, "Hey, watch out. I found a dead hybrid. I didn't sire him. Something's up." Elijah and Hayley are like, "Yeah, YOU'RE what's up." Klaus is HEARTBROKEN that the two believe Tyler over him. So Klaus weeps on the porch and asks, "Why can't we be a family?!" No, wait. That happened in my mind. What actually happened: Klaus bites Elijah on the neck and is like, "Have fun dealing with that hybrid bite, you idiots," and heads back to New Orleans. You know what? I actually believe Klaus! Stupid Tyler.
The episode ends with a meeting. A meeting between Tyler and… MARCEL. NO. Dammit. Tyler tells Marcel that Hayley is pregnant with the hybrid hybrid and the hybrid hybrid will destroy all of the vampires. Wait. 1) It'll kill the witches and the vampires? Are the werewolves safe? I don't understand supernatural science. And, 2) I thought Marcel knew about Hayley? What is happening? I don't know. But I'm obsessed with all of it.
Image: Bob Mahoney/The CW