What A Date With Loki Would Be Like, From The Fairy Tale Beginning To The Final Kiss & World Domination
From the moment Tom Hiddleston was cast as Loki in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, any chance I had of resisting the urge to fall madly in love with the bad guy was gone. Luckily, there is a supportive community of Loki lovers on the Internet that understand this unique problem. I know Thor is the hero, but Loki is better than Thor in so many ways — starting with his sense of style and ending with his sense of humor. Even while he's plotting world domination, I can't help but be smitten with everyone's favorite villain. Of course, I'm probably the only one who has ever wondered what a date with Loki would be like, but, hey. Everyone has their quirks, and mine happens to be getting extreme crushes on fictional characters.
The thing that is important to remember is not to romanticize Loki. Despite his tragic backstory, he's still a megalomaniac whose first love is himself and whose second love is his brother and whose third love is the death of his brother and everyone in the world. You know, normal things. However, if the stars did align such that you got to go on a date with Loki, what would happen once you got there? And how much fun would you have? I think it's about time we imagine this magical night for ourselves.
Loki would pick you up promptly at 6 p.m., wearing his finest suit and with his hair slicked back like you're going to the opera or to a museum or to a Renaissance fair.
After walking aimlessly around through the park, just talking and laughing, Loki would then reveal his true plan: in an instant, you would be transported to Asgard. It turns out that Loki wanted to show you the rebuilt Bifröst Bridge, with all of its gorgeous rainbow colors.
After sitting on the edge of the Bifröst for a few minutes, he would wrap an arm around your shoulders and pull you close. None of that yawning and pretending it's an accident thing. Loki's too confident for such games.
About 45 minutes later, you notice something strange. Where's Heimdall? Isn't he supposed to be guarding the bridge? Isn't it only supposed to open at his command? When you share these concerns with Loki, he smirks. Oops, turns out there was a wee bit of world domination on his mind...
Three hours later, in Thor's absence, Loki has subjugated the whole of Asgard, and has Heimdall and Sif and the Warriors Three imprisoned. You, he allowed to live because you were smart enough to mention that every evil overlord needs a woman behind the man to watch his back. You're tired, and you want to go home, but Loki's coronation isn't over yet.
It takes about 15 minutes after the crown hits Loki's head for the thunder to roll over Asgard. Thor is coming. The people cheer, where before they were silent and fearful. Loki watches the thunder for a moment before insisting the ceremony continues. You surreptitiously check your phone to see if you have cell service to call the cops.
Loki realizes you have your cell phone on you and makes you take a selfie. Is there Asgard Instagram? Well, you're about to find out.
Thor arrives at the palace, but, before he formally tears Loki a new one, he gives his brother yet another chance to apologize and repent. He also wants to know what you're doing here. You tell him that you have no idea, but you were supposed to be home like an hour ago, and your roommate is probably seriously worried.
After negotiations fail, and Loki realizes that you're really tired and just want to go home, he decides to fight Thor so that this can all be resolved and you can be safely returned to your apartment. He gets up, you take his seat in the throne, and you try to comfort the Asgardian children while the Norse god brothers duke it out.
Thor wipes the Bifröst with Loki's face. You head downstairs to start freeing Heimdall and Sif and the Warriors Three, who also jump into the battle against the multiple Lokis that have popped up to give him an edge in battle.
The war is finally over. Thor has triumphed. Loki has return to come and take you home, with Sif as his guardian to make sure he doesn't try to disappear into Midgard as soon as he gets you there. The two of you linger awkwardly on your doorstep as you inform him that you had an... interesting time. Loki gives you a pretty sweet kiss, all things considered. You still decide not to call him again. You consider calling Heimdall, though. He was kind of hot.
Image: Marvel; loki-gifs/Tumblr (11)