If You Wake Up In A Disney Movie, Here Are 8 Rules To Live By So You Can Keep Calm & Sing Hard
Where would any of us be today without the magical world of Disney? When it comes to the cartoon princesses and talking lions, millennials have a hard time negotiating between its saccharine values, blatant sexism, and parent murder, and their unfaltering love that's rooted in their obsession with nostalgia. In short, a Disney movie is an entirely mixed bag when you become older and analytical, an abrasive force against this wacky thing called "reality." Except... what would happen if whimsy and reality merged, and you, my sensible friend, woke up in a Disney movie?
Enchanted. Enchanted would basically happen in such a circumstance. Or, not quite, because I suppose the situation would be switched. You'd be stuck in vibrant animated paradise versus a doe-eyed Amy Adams tidying up an apartment with the help of cockroaches and rats. But, yeah, beyond that, how would you prepare for such a culture shock?
Well, if you're like me and have been raised on an influx of Disney films, and to this day listen to "For the First Time in Forever" on your morning commute to work, you probably know the basics. But, just to prepare you, keep in mind these eight rules just in case you ever wake up in a Disney movie.
1. Embrace the perfect hair and 12-inch waist.
What's scary is that you'll never be able to digest more than one bite of a poisoned apple again. The good news is that you'll never have to combat mass amounts of frizz... unless you wake up in Brave, and then all bets are off.
2. Incorporate mice and birds into your daily beauty routine.
Who else can brush your (silky, long, perfect) hair but the woodland creatures surrounding your home? And if, by any chance, you get stuck with housework (you know, because you're a woman), then they got your back.
3. You're allowed one, maybe two personality-defining hobbies max.
Singing is a constant, but sometimes you can REALLY make yourself stand out with another interest, like Belle's love of books, or Ariel's love of hoarding.
4. Falling in love at first sight is definitely up there as a potential third hobby.
Most of the time, he'll be the first man you'll ever meet. Bonus points if he's a prince.
5. Trust no one... or trust everyone, I guess.
That scary looking witch cloaked in black and smiling sinisterly must be a friend, right?
6. Have a problem? Don't worry, someone else will fix it for you.
Prince Charming will bail you out of that tower, and, if you ever need a wish granted, you have a slew of fairies ex machina.
7. No aspect of life, even those moments that are terrible, can't be improved by a rousing musical number.
And, luckily, you have a gorgeous voice ready to lament your desire for adventure, or celebrate the love you share with that guy you met 30 seconds ago.
8. And most importantly, don't be freaked out when you find out it's some rando who kissed you awake.
True love's kiss works even when you've only spoken once.
Images: Disney (1); Giphy (8)