When it comes to Disney films, we all know the focus is on the Princesses/Queens/Villains of various kingdoms. They get their voices stolen by sea witches in order to have human legs. They get cast in spells that render them unconscious until they are kissed by their one true love. They are chained up as prisoners and made to wear saucy red outfits. The life of Disney Princesses is hard and MESSED UP. That doesn't mean that Disney Princes have it quite so easy themselves. Sometimes, their boats explode in the ocean for no reason, or their dads get killed by their uncles throwing them off a cliff into a herd of wildebeests. But they do, however, all have perfect jawlines.
Disney Princes, though often less central than the Princesses, have a lot riding on them. They have to be strong! They have to save the day (usually, ugh)! They have to woo! When it comes to being a Disney Prince, there's as much guts as there is glory. Sure, they get the girl, own lots of land, and have many fancy and often magical things... but, hey, they have their problems, too.
Here are the real issues of being a Disney Prince:
1. When You're Trying To Kiss De Gurl But Eels Keep Getting In The Way
And then you basically miss de gurl.
2. When You Walk Around In Public And Everyone Tells You It's Hammer Time
3. When You Don't Have Nipples
And she's like, "He's got no nipples."
4. When You Don't Know How To Tell Your Girl Her Foreplay Is Too Aggressive
Chill girl, we are lions and you could actually kill me.
5. When You Are Constantly Being Chaperoned By A Teapot
I'm trying to lay down some game, and I have Angela Friggin' Lansbury blocking me.
6. When It's Leg Day
7. When You Don't Get Credit For Inventing The Man Bun
8. When You Have To Bring Someone Back From The Dead With A Kiss
No pressure or anything.
11. When You Have to Live Up To The Name Prince Charming
Good luck with that.
12. When You Don't Really Matter To The Film Because It's About Sisterhood
You're nice and all, buuuuuuuut... this isn't actually about you. Go home. #Bye.