All Gilmore Girls fans know that coffee is the unofficial third Gilmore girl after Lorelai and Rory, and, theoretically, their small town ideals would reject the uprising of a Starbucks. But it's not 2000 anymore, and I maintain that, realistically, Luke's Diner, or at least Weston's Bakery, would've been long replaced by one. And I'd even go as far as saying that, on a warm day in Stars Hollow, the mother daughter duo would definitely indulge in a mass Frappuccino taste test for the fun of it. Which makes me wonder, what Frappuccino would our favorite Stars Hollow residents order?
It's a personal choice every privileged girl with a Barnes and Nobles credit card (read: me) has to make, and one that defines your very existence. Friendships have been formed, or broken apart, on the basis of favorite Frappuccino flavors, mark my words. And I'd like to think that television's most voracious coffee consumers would have a signature drink that they would embrace. So many crazy characters, so many different toppings. It all makes sense, doesn't it?
Come on, humor me. Let's kick it old school and match the Gilmores and their bestest chums with our classic favorite Frapp flavors, because, I mean, why not?
Lorelai: Caramel Ribbon Crunch
Because I've rarely come across a person who had ill-will towards caramel, but the EXTRA caramel PLUS those crunchy pieces tip humble caramelness into obnoxious territory. Therefore, the sugar rush-inducing treat is the perfect match for Lorelai.
Remember when I said nobody has ill-will towards caramel? NOBODY ever had anything bad to say about Rory (I mean, aside from Mitchum Huntzberger), the more reserved companion to the overload of caramel. It is simple, it is beautiful, it is classic, so, yeah, it works.
Richard & Emily: Mocha Frappuccino
Mocha is a time-honored flavor and sort of a no-nonsense frappuccino... it has just a baby smidge of chocolate, just to make it interesting, just like Richard and Emily had their own quirks that made them a little bit adorable.
Lane: Green Tea Frappuccino
Mrs. Kim wants her to be a plain green tea, so this is a compromise. She one day hopes to be a Strawberry and Creme frappuccino, but that's ambitious...
Paris: Double Chip Frappuccino
Because of that chip on her shoulder. Also because Paris Geller doesn't settle for ONE chip; she works twice as hard and deserves twice as many. She's gone in demanding a Quadruple Chip frappuccino before. It has yet to go over well.
Jess: Java Chip Frappuccino
Because of that chip on HIS shoulder. Also because it's the kind of drink that sounds perfectly fine, but you're not even sure what it's deal is. "Java chip? What is that?" So Jess, shrouded in mystery and cloaked emotions, would probably be about that.
Dean: Vanilla Bean Frappuccino
Put that next to the Java Chip Frappuccino, and it's clear which one your choice should be. (Answer: Java Chip, duh.) So, yeah, totally perfect for Dean.
Oh, And Lest You Think I Forgot Luke...
He's not having a Frappuccino. He's having black tea, and eating some gravel.
That's because Luke hates change, and also fun.
Images: Warner Bros. Television (8); Starbucks (8); daytrippingsinger/Tumblr