Why Quickies Are Better Than Coffee, Because You Probably Need More Sex, Not More Caffeine

I'm sitting here struggling to keep my eyes open as I'm writing this article. Now there are two things I could do to wake the hell up. I could have a coffee. Or I could just have sex. I love coffee for many reasons. It has lots of caffeine. The grinds make a great face scrub. And it smells good. But it also gives me major heartburn, which is not exactly the sexiest look. So clearly having quick sex in a bathroom, car, or stairwell is the better option.

If you've got five minutes (and who doesn't? You're not the President), then you undoubtedly have time for a quickie. Quickies are not just things that happen in seedy motels. Quickies are for everyone! There's something so romantic and spontaneous about meandering back to the party, a picnic, or the office with your hair slightly disheveled, the slight glisten of sweat on your forehead, and zipper only half way up.

If you're in a long-term relationship, spontaneity gives way to nonsense to planning shopping trips to Crate and Barrel. But you are still YOUNG and FUN! You can still hook up in a back alley without a care in the world. So instead of rushing to make that morning coffee, turn to your partner and get it on. Here are five reasons I choose quickies over coffee.

1. You're horny but you don't have any time

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Just because you're running the show like a boss, doesn't mean you don't get horny. But your sex life shouldn't suffer just because you don't have time for tender General Hospital-esque lovemaking. On the contrary, quickies allow you to get it on the fly. Instead of using your lunch hour to run errands (you can buy shampoo later) meet your partner for a quickie in the car.

2. It makes you feel good

Sure coffee has benefits, but can they really compete with what sex is capable of? Sex releases happy hormones like dopamine and serotonin. And that applies to ANY kind of sex. Romantic tender sex. Or down and dirty push me against the wall. A five-course meal is great sometimes, but sometimes you just want a bacon cheeseburger. And you don't even care if the ketchup runs down your face.

3. It can keep your relationship hot

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Is your relationship starting to feel as stale as a piece of week-old bread? That bread may be good for eating fondue but that's IT. Trust me. I once tried to re-toast stale bread and it was a disaster. Luckily your sex life is not like that. A quickie can be a much needed injection of fun and spontaneity into an otherwise boring day. Coffee may give you a jolt midday, but it can't improve your relationship.

4. You can abandon your inhibitions

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Who the heck has time for inhibitions when you've got to do it in a hurry? Enough of this bullshittery. Away with your inhibitions! Throw them out like an old shoe. You have to get in and get out (literally, haha get it?) quickly so forget about your worries and just let loose.

5. Quickies give you confidence

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You may be craving that coffee at your 3 p.m. slump but it ain't going to give you any confidence. A quickie will make you feel like a whole new woman. Now you can walk back into the party/office/room with your hair disheveled feeling like the sexiest bish since Jessica Rabbit.

Images: Mandee Carter/Flickr; Giphy