14 Things You Will Always Call Your Dad For, No Matter How Long It's Been Since You Left Home
I first made the leap to move out of my parents' house when I was 18, which was almost 10 years ago now. Since then, I've shuffled through 12 (seriously, I counted) living situations, upwards of 25-ish roommates, four states, and two countries. I'd definitely call myself self-sufficient for the most part. Life, now I know for a fact that pantries don't magically regenerate with new food (sadly) which is pretty much how it seemed when I was a (very lucky) kid. But regardless of how long it's been since I moved out, I feel like there's some things I'm always gonna have to call my dad about.
I have a freakishly good relationship with my father so I'd wager about 70 to 90 percent of the time when I call him, it certainly isn't dire. Often, I'll just want a little conversational company while grocery shopping or standing in line at TSA. (Yes, I am that person. Hello.) But as a little girl who strongly suspected her dad held the secret answers to the universe, keeping alive, etc. who grew into an "adult woman human" still hanging strong to those suspicions, I have these things. Things that necessitate I call him for proper long-distance supervision or approval or thoughts. I'm not entirely sure he much enjoys these phone calls, but such is his parental duty (a thing non-parents adorably think ends after 18 years. But I'm here at 27.5 assuring you it does not).
Here are a few of the many things you will always need to call your dad for:
When your wifi is on the fritz
That one weird light won't stop flashing which you suspect may be related to your phone's inability to successfully go online so you can upload this dang kale juice photo. Clearly, Dad knows this struggle and how to explain in very patient, very clear terms how to reboot the network. While you fiddle with buttons, too, he's a good sport and asks you to text him a shot of the kale juice in the interim. "Looks good!" he will probably lie.
When your cat ate something...weird, maybe, you think
And you'll hear lots of variations of "just stay calm." He will also patiently sit silent on the other line as you laundry list all the strange items your fluff monster might have ingested while you were at work, occasionally breaking said silence to offer a supportive grunt. "Cottonballs? Chia seeds?" "*grumble* maybe? *grumble*" "POPCORN??" During your panic, he quietly emails you links to nearby emergency vet clinics.
When you notice classic rock band muzak some place public
As he was the one to properly train you in identifying these, so you need to make sure that he's aware and proud that you know this one.
When you need packing advice
Even though you suspect you don't need five pairs of shoes for a three-day trip, sometimes you do need that push in reassurance from ol' Dad. He might also be helpful coming through with the suggestion to pack boots since he already checked the weather report for your destination and boy, is it gonna come down!
When the thing in my car is making a SAHBDHDVVVUHUHUHHHHH sound
He will even strain (even is he's faking) to get a better first-hand listen and assess the issue. Ultimately, though, he is secretly developing a list of links to nearby mechanic shops with high Yelp ratings to email you immediately after hanging up. Gosh, Dad sure is good at the Internet.
When Google Maps fails
"WHERE AM I? I SEE A TREE AND SOME CARS AND THAT LOOKS LIKE A BUILDING. HELP ME." Dads are hardwired to be naturally gifted with spatial abilities, even if their inept offspring are not. If it's a place he's been, he'll remember and carefully explain exactly how to extricate yourself from this apparently scary random street corner. If it's a place he has not been, he'll still figure it out and help accordingly (texting screenshots from his functioning Google Maps).
When I need a specific photo for #tbt
If Dad lives at your childhood home, he has easy access to heaps and heaps of ye olde timey scrapbooks, mostly stuffed with photos of your previously tiny mug. I worry my dad finds these requests annoying and vain. He might actually consider the latter true, but I also think he secretly enjoys an excuse to flip through photos of when his babies were still legit babies.
When you can't remember the seventh secret ingredient for that one dish
He will know, without a doubt.
When you meet another *specific sports team* fan
Regardless of gender of this fan, he will probably grant permission to marry them. This varies by dad, but mine favors Cub and Packers fans for my betrothal.
When you need a decoder for the dude clothes sizing system
THE SYSTEM IS SO CONFUSING WHY CAN'T MEN JUST HAVE ARBITRARY NUMBERS THAT VARY WILDLY BETWEEN BRANDS LIKE WOMEN DO. ...oh.
When it's tax season
When you pay your bills on time
Clearly you just want to make your pops proud, and this is one way to do that. Plus none of your friends or Twitter followers care, so.
When things go very wrong
Sometimes he's the only one who gets you and doesn't judge for it. He can help absorb the shock when things have gone awry but will also take a moment to force you back far enough to gain some positive perspective on the situation. He wants to help you solve the problem, and with his insight, that seems totally possible.
When things go way better than you could have hoped for
The best person on the planet to help celebrate your successes. He's the guy who brought you into this strange globe in the first place, after all. And he's the guy who will cheer the loudest and most emphatically when you push forward despite all the outer forces against you.
Let's hear it for the dads.
Images: NBC; Giphy (15)