We've got another Bradley Cooper situation on our hands, people. Rumor has it that People Magazine is about to announce Adam Levine as its 2013 Sexiest Man Alive. It was supposed to be a surprise, and we're like the naughty children steaming the wrapping paper off our presents, so naturally the magazine has not issued comment regarding the highly anticipated issue. But confirmation is our problem: it's the man, himself. Adam Levine is great — he's attractive, he's a pop star, and he's hilarious on The Voice — but is he really worthy of the 2013-specific Sexiest Man Alive title? Did he really own this year the way Channing Tatum dominated last year? I'm going to go with "no."
If People really is about to crown the Maroon 5 lead singer its Sexiest, it's going to be like 2011 all over again. Of course, that's the year that People chose Cooper as its top man, when Ryan Gosling had just that same year, made the internet explode into a thousand tiny, sparkling hearts. There were even protests (jokingly hosted by Buzzfeed) outside of the People Magazine offices. While it turned out that People has to get permission from its Sexiest Men and Gosling hadn't given his, the people had spoken and the people wanted Gosling.
Like Levine, Cooper is a perfectly wonderful and sexy man, but he simply wasn't Gosling. And in honor of that controversial year and what might be another one in 2013, we've lined up five Ryan Goslings to Levine's Bradley Cooper.
5. Pharrell Williams
The man quite literally owned pop music this year. There were three major songs of the summer — "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk, "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke, and "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus — and two of them featured Williams. We were singing right along with him from May until today because we still can't stop singing those songs. (Too boot, he helped produce Bangerz, the album "We Can't Stop" comes from.) To top all that, he showed up to the MTV VMAs with in a bike gang just for the hell of it. The only thing holding him back is his age and the fact that he's married, but so was Tatum and if you can't find a 40-year-old music mogul attractive, you're probably just agist.
4. Liam Hemsworth
The man's name has been on our lips all year because we've been wondering weather or not the Aussie heartthrob was still with Cyrus as she dragged a wrecking ball through her former life. We eventually got an answer, though we knew all along that these two were no longer together, and we still can't stop saying his name. Now, he's starring in one of the biggest movies of the year from one of the biggest franchises of the last 10 years — The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. It seems that the least we could do after making the first half of his year terrible is to fix the second half by praising him for his accomplishments, like this awesome film series.
3. Tom Hiddleston
This man is probably the coolest person ever and in 2013, the world really started to take notice thanks to the internet. It's been a slow burn for the man who's played Loki in three Marvel movies including 2013's Thor: The Dark World, but now he stars in viral posts that attempt to prove he's an actual Disney prince (spoiler: he's better than a Disney prince). He also hangs out with Cookie Monster, gets in on interview pranks, and has a pillow fight with just about anyone who asks him. Oh, and he's also got classical training that's made him an in-demand theater presence in London for years. But please, don't all jump up to stage a protest at once.
2. Justin Timberlake
Alright, so GQ already kind of stole him this year, but if anyone owned 2013 it was Timberlake. He released two albums this year and came back from a years long hiatus from music. He has a world tour, he double-dated with Jay and Bey at the Grammys, his age hasn't diminished his handsomeness, and he's still an incredible performer. You snoozed and loosed, People Mag.
1. Michael Fassbender
He's definitely going to be nominated for as Oscar this year for 12 Years a Slave because he's incredible, he was in some other movies, and he's been destined for this role since the beginning of time. The man is as sexy as they come and 2013 has been good to him. He'll probably still top the list in 2028. He's just that handsome.