Remember MySpace? The original Facebook (because I refuse to date myself with any mention of Friendster) offered the kind of platform a celeb like Kim Kardashian would just eat up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It was a nascent social media site that allowed users to post their hottest photos (there were no selfies then, so you had to have a friend who didn't mind taking shots of your lingerie-clad ass) and wait for comments to roll in from "friends." It seems Kim Kardashian's 2006 MySpace home page has just been dug up from the Internet graveyard and lots of folks are shocked that the now-queen of social media, who has 32.5 million Twitter followers, only had a paltry 856 MySpace friends and 73 wall comments, according to Us Weekly. But, you guys, that isn't the point: Kardashian's MySpace page is an honest-to-goodness crystal ball into her future. Seriously, the woman is clairvoyant.
Kardashian referred to herself as "Princess Kimberly" on her almost pornographically pink page, which she used pimp-my-profile.com to create. The then-25-year-old, who neither smoked nor drank, said she wanted to have children "someday," noted that her hero was her "Daddy," and said that she wanted to meet "God." She didn't even bother with humbleness when it came time to pen her bio, in which she wrote, "I'm a princess and you're not so there!" Har, har, a little pre-Instagram hashtag humor, à la #jokingnotjoking.
At the time, Kardashian was in a relationship with Ray J (he of the infamous sex tape) and made it clear she was only on MySpace searching for friends. With the exception of Ray J, all other clues on her page point to the very real possibility that the reality star is psychic.
She wanted children "someday." Well, that day is today — she's mommy to North West and has another baby on the way. Check that off the list. Next! She believes she is a princess. Like it or not, America, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are the closest thing this country has to a royal couple. I would argue Kardashian has it even better than Kate Middleton because she can wear a latex dress and not worry that the Queen is going to have a royal fit about it. Who has it better than Kimye?
As for wanting to meet God — Oh, hello, future hubby Kanye West, who just so happened to pose for the cover of Rolling Stone wearing a crown of thorns. The year? 2006. Holy coincidence, wouldn't you say?
In case you're wondering whether we can trust the authenticity of Kardashian's MySpace account, for one, the screen name for her current eBay account is very similar: kimsaprincess. And, for more evidence, I offer you a link to a page where you can waste countless hours of your day: you can locate your old MySpace profile by searching for your old username/URL or profile name. If you've had other things on your mind since 2008 and can't remember this info, you can even fill out a MySpace Declaration of Ownership page, which asks for personal info in return for your old page. As Kardashian's extremely dated (but still awesome) page proves, it might not be worth the hassle.