Don't See a Movie with Barbara Walters

People talking in movie theaters is one of my biggest pet peeves. But celebrities being ridiculous is one of my favorite things. So, when I read that Barbara Walters talked her face off during a Catching Fire screening on Wednesday, I was torn. It sounds like the most frustrating/greatest thing that's ever happened. She asked her multiple (!!!) assistants to explain the movie to her. Why did she have four assistants with her in a theater? Oh, wait. One of her assistants was on glasses-cleaning duty. I can totally get behind that. I understand the value of spotless lenses.

Even funnier than the hired spectacle-scrubber? Walters allegedly asked one of her assistants "Is that Jennifer Lawrence?" while watching the flick. That's… I… WHAT?! Granted, Babs doesn't have time to clean her own eyeglasses. You really think she has time to keep track of all of the young Hollywood stars? Nah, man.

To be fair, I haven't seen Catching Fire. I don't know how confusing or not confusing it is. So, I won't judge Walters for asking for clarification. And you know what? I can respect that Walters will do whatever it takes to understand a movie. Aw, she only pisses off moviegoers because she cares!

I can't help but wonder what it'd be like to watch notoriously complicated movies with Walters, though. Oh, too late. I already went there in my mind:


"Is this a dream?""Is THIS a dream?""Is THIS a dream?""Am I looking at a dream in a dream?""What is the difference between dreams in dreams and normal dreams? Aren't they all dreams?""Is all of this a dream?""Well, why didn't they tell us if it was all a dream or not?""Is that Jennifer Lawrence?

Image: Warner Bros.


"Two minutes into the future? How useful could that really be?""Why are there so many Nicolas Cages? Please explain the physics of time travel.""Why would anyone believe him? Especially the FBI!""Did everyone die?!""Wait. No one died?""Do we have to watch everything happen all over again? This two minutes thing is exhausting.""Is that Jennifer Lawrence?

Image: Paramount Pictures


"Why are we looking at apes right now? I thought this was about space," she'd say as she left the theater.She'd walk back in 20 minutes later, look at the screen, and ask, "Is that Jennifer Lawrence?"

Image: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer/Warner Bros.


"Now, is that guy good or bad?""Oh, is he the bad guy?""Does he think he'll still like all of those tattoos when he gets older?""Who killed her? Oh, I bet he killed her, didn't he?""Why is this part backwards? How am I supposed to understand what's going on without seeing the preceding events first?""Oh, HE'S the bad guy. Right? Right?!""Is that Jennifer Lawrence?"

Image: Summit Entertainment


"Who was that man behind the dumpster?""I thought she booked the acting job. Why is she a waitress? What happened? Did I miss something?""How did those people get so tiny?""Now that the movie is over, please explain the entire thing.""Which one was Jennifer Lawrence?

Image: Universal Pictures