How To Stop The Jon Snow Conspiracy Theory H8rs

We've all faced discouraging nonbelievers our entire lives. You know, like those sniveling kids on the school bus who insisted that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren’t real? OK, I guess they were right in those instances. But what I’m trying to say here is, you can't make a hell-bent pessimist into an optimist. Nor can you please everyone. But, what you can do, is provide nonbelievers with a healthy mix of proof and sass in order to make your point more readily apparent, and theirs look like a pile of crud. So, yeah, maybe Santa wasn’t real, but Jon Snow is not dead on Game of Thrones, and it’s time to put all the naysaying haters in their place.

If you’re encountering an especially raucous “Jon Snow: Reborn" denier, do not fret. Do not be faint of heart. Do not let their deep-seated trust issues and jaded opinion of the world throw you. For your innocence and positive outlook are precious, and I am here to save you from their evil wrath, because Jon Snow is alive and nobody is going to rain on our parade.

Listen up, kids. Here's what to say to a Jon Snow-is-still-alive conspiracy theory hater.

First, Deliver This Classic Line

Except, uh, supplement their name in for Jon's.

Then, Serve Them This Delicious Dish Of Proof

*Applauds* *Sets off fireworks*

Tell Them They're Being A Total "Joffrey" About The Whole Thing

And we all know what happens to Joffreys...

Remind Them Of This Lady

And, her magically disconcerting powers.

Explain To Them That News Of Kit Harington's Departure Came From An Unreliable Source

Harington claims he isn't coming back. But, I mean, even Kit Harington doesn't trust Kit Harington.

If That Still Isn't Enough, Throw Some Logic At 'Em

Dude did not survive that epic White Walker battle to be killed by a total dweeb that goes by the name of Olly, OK?

Keep Calm And Reiterate What We All Learned In 4th Grade English Class About, "The Hero's Journey"

One *vital* part of it? Resurrection.

Images: HBO; Giphy (6)