"Subtle" isn't exactly my middle name. Even when I'm unconscious I'm still talking in my sleep. I'm an alarmingly present, aggressively alive kind of person, the kind that makes an excellent brunching friend but a piss poor spy. So basically when I have a crush on someone, there is a 24 hour window before everyone within 50 feet of me knows about it, possibly even before I do. Welcome to being an extrovert: Your face is a billboard and your heart is a Twitter feed. Anyone can tell when an outgoing person has a crush, because it is probably better advertised than the 5 o'clock news.
The good news is that, as awkward as we are, outgoing people are generally spared some of the romantic-al angst that their peers have to endure. Since we lack subtlety and pretty much all social decorum, we know whether or not people reciprocate our feelings pretty quick, and can either skip right ahead to the blissful coupled Netflix marathons to celebrate or delve down deep into the sad sack lonely Netflix marathons to cope. Win-win, basically. But hey, for all you regular people out there who are wondering if your outgoing friend is just being their outgoing selves or if they secretly wanna bone you, here are some of the telltale signs that they're crushing hard:
We just happen to be throwing another party! Again! And you're invited!
Read: We needed an excuse to see you, so we made a Facebook event, slapped "BYOB" on it, invited all of our mutual friends and hoped for the best.
You will suspect we are drunk even when we aren't
We're JUST! SO! HAPPY! TO SEE YOU! Obviously gratuitous hugs are necessary because we haven't seen you in, like, 48 entire hours. (Mmm, is it just me, or do you smell really great tonight?)
We will overshare beyond the edge of reason
You: Hey, where's the bathroom?
Me: I had a sex dream about Tuxedo Mask!!! Sometimes I look at Tumblr while I pee!! The last time I cried it was at work over a video about a cat!!! Oh, down the hall and to the left.
We'll text back almost immediately
Look, life's too short to pretend you didn't come up with the best comeback ever in eight seconds or less. I'm too smug about my text game to live that kind of life.
We will low key stalk you by buddying up to your friends
"Wow [your friend's name], who knew that we both enjoyed extreme basket weaving? Hey, casual, does [your name] ever mention fantasizing about me in bed? Haha, just kidding, except I'm NOT, could you pass me the straw?"
We'll aggressively introduce you to all of our friends
While patting you on the back in a casual "we're just pals but if any of you come near this human I will eat your families" way.
We will send you Snapchats pretending they went out to a bunch of people
Caption: "one glass of red wine = turrrrnnt"
Meaning: "notice me notice me snapchat me back"
We will talk about you to...well, everyone
The cashier at Sprinkles Cupcakes is really rooting for us, FYI.
We'll make up excuses to Facebook chat you
FACEBOOK CHAT. It's about to get all 2009 up in here. But for real, check out this article about dogs, remember that one time we saw a dog three weeks ago? (Marry me.)
We will constantly invent reasons to hang out
I just really need a lot of advice about surfing. In the middle of winter. At a Starbucks. Tomorrow night?!
Sometimes we'll even "run into" you
Edward Cullen's stalking game has nothing on an outgoing person who just happens to grocery shop at the Whole Foods by your apartment at the same time as you every week without fail.
...Or, more likely, we'll probably just tell you we have the hots for you before any of this even goes down
Ball's in your court! (And so are all the beans I just spilled. Try not to trip.)
Images: Fox; Giphy(11)
