Cake Proposals Are Basically Fail Proof

I do not support any of the sentiments behind Meghan Trainor's "Dear Future Husband," but if I were to leave one note for mine, it would be this: If you want me to say yes, you better propose with cake. I'm not saying this because I am high maintenance. Not five seconds ago I picked up a goldfish cracker from the floor of my work place and ate it. I'm saying this because cake is probably more important than any living person on this earth, and if you put a ring in a cake, I will for sure let you wife me.

I consider myself a bit of an authority on "Ridiculously Cheesy Romantic Gestures You Can Make With Cake," because I worked in a cake bakery for almost a year, and I've eaten more cake in my short like than all of my ancestors combined. The first thing I will say on this cake proposal thing is that there is almost no way to screw this up. You got the ring? You got cake of some kind? You're golden. But if you're looking to put a little extra pizzazz in your cake proposal, then here are a few tips from you to me for how to incorporate it. (Just make sure they're saying "yes" to you and not just to the dessert.)

1. Get a restaurant to help you out

The old school, "gee golly, we're on a sitcom!" method of proposing with cake at a restaurant is about as basic as basic gets, but you (hopefully) can't go all that wrong. I cannot imagine any restaurant in the history of restaurants that wouldn't be down with putting an engagement ring on top of a slice of cake for you so you can propose during the dessert course.

Pros: Neat and tidy, plus you a bunch of strangers are going to "d'awwww" when you get down on one knee. Also, you will make that one overly emotional waitress's day (who, me?).

Cons: You will probably worry about the ring getting lost. Also, if your partner isn't digging dessert that night (first off, why are you even marrying them?), then it's going to be hella awkward when you're like "NO LET'S GET DESSERT WE ARE GETTING THIS SPECIFIC CAKE."

2. Get a custom designed cake

You can really go ham with this. A classic version is the Tiffany box with the ring sitting on top, but other people have incorporated other quirky elements into the final product. Here are a few examples below:

Pros: You will save these pictures forever. It has the potential to be ridiculously funny and personal.

Cons: It's mad expensive to get a custom cake designed, and everyone will hesitate to eat something so pretty that cost that much money.

3. Do it with cupcakes

Most major cupcake brands (holla at me, Sprinkles) already have a whole system where you can custom make proposal cupcakes and have them delivered nationwide. But any bakery would be hip and game for this, and hell, you can probably just do this yourself if you've got a cake mix and decent knowledge on how to operate a butter knife. You can get them themed, or just keep them classic and simple.

Watch and learn, y'all:

Pros: You don't feel obligated to preserve them. EVERYBODY IN THE VICINITY will get one, and everyone will be full and happy. Cupcakes are adorable and non cupcake eaters should bow down.

Cons: NONE. Literally NONE.

Now that you have those three ideas in your dessert proposing arsenal, here are a few last Pro Tips:

  • DO NOT bake the ring into the cake. DON'T DO IT. Look at yourself in the mirror right now and promise yourself you will not be this person.
  • Take all the cute pictures of the cake before the proposal. Ain't nothing like getting proposed to with cake and then getting cake-blocked by all the shutterbugs. (I imagine, at least. I've made it very clear in the course of this post and I am going to die alone.)
  • Make sure the cake is actually, like, good. If you don't know what "good cake" tastes like, then go enlist a friend who knows how to be a human, or just go with your partner's favorite bakery.
  • Don't overcomplicate this. It's CAKE. Everything is going to be fine.

I BELIEVE IN YOU, whoever the hell you are. Go forth and eat cake.

Image: teamfatty4life/Instagram