R. Kelly Freestyles About Sex Dolphins and Sandwiches, and It Is Too Perfect For Adjectives

When R. Kelly isn't teaming up with Justin Bieber or Lady Gaga, he's singing about sex dolphins for Rolling Stone . Okay, okay. That isn't the only other thing he's been up to. R. Kelly is a busy guy. His new album Black Panties will hit stores next month, he made the summer music festival rounds, he's recently collaborated with various artists… and he sang about sex dolphins.

Because Rolling Stone knows what the people want, they asked R. Kelly to freestyle about four random phrases. He obliged. They recorded it. The video hit the Internet today. You think, Oh, can't wait to watch this! It is going to be the best thing ever. Guess what? It's even better than that. Don't ask me how something can be better than "the best thing ever." I don't know science.

In the video, R. Kelly explains, "I love to take simple lyrics that people say every day, that people do every day, and just turn it into a massive hit." Um, yep. I can get behind that statement. R. Kelly could sing about me getting the mail, and I'd be like, "Damn, this is MAGIC. Put that on my iTunes!"

His voice sounds incredible because, oh right, he's R. Kelly and he has one of the greatest voices ever. Voice of a damn angel. As for the actual improvised lyrics? Highlights include: "I wanna be a dolphin to you/Going,'eee EEEE eee EEE eee EEE eee EEE'" and "I wanna be your ice hockey player/Your dragon slayer, girl." Poetry, my friends. Poetry.

Okay, I've said plenty about the video. What are you waiting for? Watch it already!