8 Reasons Why Being a Single Lady Is Especially Awesome Around the Holidays
The onset of winter can be a brutal time for those without significant others. Why, you (and your other half) ask? Well, for one, there are the holidays, which makes even the most Scrooge-like among us long for human companionship. For two, there is what I would like to call the "relationship chilling effect" (not to be confused with the legal chilling effect). What it boils down to is that as the weather gets colder, the need to have another human being in your bed becomes more salient. Thus, the onset of the seasonal significant other. To be fair, this type of relationship is more often seen in colder climates than in temperate ones, but you catch my (snow) drift.
However, in defense of single people the world over, I have compiled the following list of reasons that describe why approaching the holidays on one's own is not only acceptable, but preferable. Seasonal significant others be damned! We need you about as much as we need the (also seasonal) flu!
1. NOT HAVING TO DEAL WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHERS' FAMILY
Seriously though. This is one of the rockin' things about being single this time of year. I don't care how great of a relationship your BFF and her boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/whatever have...spending the holidays with the soon-to-be or will-never-be in-laws is no one's idea of a good time. Relish in your unattached status and the fact that your behavior, regardless of how good or bad, is being performed in front of people who are related to you.
2. BEING SINGLE AT HOLIDAY PARTIES
Holiday parties are like shooting fish in a barrel if you're just trying to get some during the November-December season. Drinking boozy eggnog, seeing old acquaintances, wearing an excess of sequins, and kissing because something prickly is hanging over your head just became practically mandatory. Throw on a Santa hat and corner the cutest stranger or kid-from-your-tenth-grade-math-class somewhere near the mistletoe-laden doorway. It's truly that easy.
3. NO "COUPLE" PRESENTS
Instead of pine-scented candles you didn't want for the apartment you may or may not share, you get a scarf or cash. It's better this way.
4. GETTING TO SAY "SCREW YOU, SOCIAL ACCEPTABILITY!"
Seriously. Watch each and every episode of Say Yes to the Dress. Dance like Elaine Benes. Eat only stuffing for each and every meal. The world is your oyster, and you are the only pearl there to witness it!
5. YOUR OWN BED
Holiday season or not, this can never be overstated. You don't have to touch another person while you sleep. No overheated arms, no freezing toes. No snoring. No alarms going off before yours.
6. UNABASHED GLUTTONY
Eat as much as you want, no one can judge you for it. Though if you have the right significant other then this likely applies as well.
7. BEING THE ENTERTAINMENT
Couples are boring, everyone knows that. If you're the token single friend, you get to make awful decisions, get way too drunk, and have it all be funny. When couples do that shit, it's sad.
8. NO COMPROMISES
Go out on the town with your guys or girls. Stay in with your cat (or cat GIFS). Drink too much. Don't drink at all. Sleep with your ex-boyfriends or girlfriends (each and every one). Revel in your sexual liberation and freedom. Happy holidays indeed.